“When we truly feel comfortable, the desire to improve is natural— no antagonism required, no debt incurred.” (deleted source)

Christopher Alexander: "places which are comfortable… have no inner contradictions, because there is no little restlessness disturbing them. […] do it carefully, with much attention"https://t.co/FxyXdgUR5S

— Visakan Veerasamy (@visakanv) January 17, 2022

you can make yourself a little more comfortable, as a treat. you can take lil actions to make your environment a little nicer for yourself. that feels good. it’s nice to feel good. it’s nice to feel like you’re someone who cares about you.

tbc

✱

— did you forget that you live here? —

2021-march-5: the title of this section is directly lifted from a tweet by @itsmeArdenLeigh that changed my life

one of my bigger regrets is not doing more to reshape my environment to suit me. i think i have some feelings left over from when I was a kid and I felt like I didn’t have any sovereignty over myself

I used to jokingly describe my current home as a halfway house, which… is still how it feels. wife and I bought it when we were broke 22yo’s who couldn’t afford a fridge or washing machine, let alone a proper renovation. we’re 30 now. feel like I let inertia keep me in the past

lots of strange little things add up for this. like, I’m a very tall guy in a short country so nothing fits me, and I’m just *used* to things being that way, and it never occurs to me otherwise

intend to make as big as possible of a dent in this in 2021. i’m done living like I’m a slightly-unwanted guest in my own life

part of doing this will mean spending more $ than I’ve been comfortable spending– and part of *that* will mean making more $ than I’ve been comfortable making, which will mean… being more intentional about things, taking on more responsibility… [cracks knuckles] let’s do it

this goes deeper than it looks. at this point on twitter some people think of me as “a big(ger) account” or whatever, and/but a big part of how I got to where I am (which I don’t necessarily recommend) is by being good at making myself secondary to others

it might seem strange and bizzaro/inverted for someone who’s a loud, prolific, highly-visible person to describe themselves as “secondary”, but I think I’m being honest here. It’s complicated, there are many angles to it

people pleasing as a skill is a great servant but a terrible master at some point you gotta learn to respect yourself funnily, when you do that, you lose mainly the worst “friends”, and good people love you even more for it: for your sovereignty, self-respect and non-neediness

[contented sigh] man I was so angry at my stuff just a couple of hours ago. part of it is the terrible user experience of computer things, but really, the reason I got so mad is that I was upset with myself for how I felt like I was disrespecting me (current mood: i’m tired of how there’s just so much everything everywhere)

i have truly had to raise myself, and i goddam did it. some funny legacy issues here and there, but eh. I didn’t think i’d get this far. props and gratitude to the artists and teachers, the books and the bloggers, the kind internet strangers, ya’ll are the real MVPs

✱

make yourself comfortable

“When we truly feel comfortable, the desire to improve is natural— no antagonism required, no debt incurred.”

^ this sentence just got me to clean my desk from a place of love (and not frustration/annoyance). i am allowed to be comfortable at my desk where I work

Christopher Alexander: “places which are comfortable… have no inner contradictions, because there is no little restlessness disturbing them. […] do it carefully, with much attention”

this in turn just made me realize that the tweets I’ve printed out and stuck to my wall to motivate me have a bit of an anxious, uncomfortable energy to them. thanking them for their service and lovingly taking them down