I have a lot of self-help books. It used to be a bit of an obsession. I’m pretty sure I have at least 10-20 of them lying around in my mountain of books at home. Pretty much all of them state the obvious truths that we already sort-of know one way or another. After you read enough of them, you start to see the patterns. It’s formulaic, like a carefully constructed pop song designed to get you bobbing your head and singing along. They grip you while you’re reading them, but they tend to leave your consciousness after a while.

The problem is that it’s not possible to develop anything substantial within a short timeframe. You can know everything there is to know about fitness and nutrition, but you won’t turn into Arnold Schwarzenegger in a single day- even if you lift weights for 12 hours and then eat a bull and two horses. If you don’t end up dead or incapacitated, you’ll most probably be repulsed by the idea and from then on.

Don’t blame the books. Many of them are beautifully written, by incredibly talented and successful people. The content is absolutely valid. The problem is that hardly anybody reads self-help books as they are meant to be read. People who complain that self-help books don’t work tend to read a book once, nod in agreement and then put it aside- and in a week or two they’re back to their normal selves. It’s like watching a video on how to learn a new language once- if you don’t use it, you’ll lose everything that you’ve learnt within the week. A few weeks or months later, they’re convinced that what they needed was a better video, a better book- and the cycle continues.

So how should self-help books be read, then?

1: Immersion. To truly appreciate something, you need to douse yourself in it. You can’t just skim through the books- you have to ravage them. You can easily identify any of the books I’ve read by the obscene amounts of scribbling and underlining I put them through. (Unless they’re library books, in which case I take notes in my notebook). You’ve only properly digested a book once you’re able to explain effectively it to yourself and to others.

2: Repetition. It is simply impossible to grasp the entire value and depth of any text in a single reading, no matter how intelligent or observant you are. A second reading always reveals different insights and perspectives. If you write in your books as I do, you’ll find that you focus on certain elements the first time around, and are drawn to different elements the second. (I like to use different coloured pens each time I read a book.) Make it a routine- as with languages and skills, you gotta use it or lose it. Set aside some time every day to refresh yourself- there are a lot of great quotes and videos out there- too many, in fact. Stick to a few good ones and get to know them inside out, forward and backwards.

3: Experimentation. Most writers write from personal experience- they write about what works for them. Everybody is different, so what works for someone else may or may not work for you. It’s your personal responsibility to figure out, through trial and error, what works best for you. Once you have access to your personal thoughts, ideas and interpretations of a book- again, note-taking is the best way to do this- you’ll begin to notice patterns of your own. Discuss these things with other people, especially with those that disagree with you. Most people tend to have a limited rather than holistic approach- I have a predisposition to read broadly rather than intensively, so it helps for me to make it a point to focus. It might be the reverse for you, in which case you might benefit more from alternative perspectives. Experiment, experiment, experiment. Take what works for you and discard what doesn’t.

It takes years of commitment to build skills and habits- self-mastery takes a lifetime. You have to acknowledge that. No, REALLY acknowledge that.  Until you do that, the only real impact self-help books and videos and gurus will have are on your wallets and schedules.

PS: Did you spot the head-fake? This isn’t just about how you ought to read self-help books- this is how you ought to confront any sort of potentially useful information- it’s how you learn languages, develop skills and build relationships. We are all naturally protective of the status quo and very resistant to change- and it takes remarkable persistence and resilience to learn and grow as an individual. The good news is that you already have it in you- you just need to find the conditions and triggers that work best for you, that allow you overcome the inertia.

Happy growing!

TL:DR:

1. Skim through 10-20 good books, 100-200 quotes and 5-10 videos that you think you like. This should take you at most a month if you like to be thorough, or even a single evening if you’re merciless.
2. Focus on the 2-3 books, 10-20 quotes and 3-4 videos that speak the loudest to you. Ditch the rest. If you have to think twice about whether it’s relevant, you don’t need it. Think of them as seeds that you want to plant, germinate, nourish and grow.
3. Immerse yourself in them. Experience them in every imaginable situation and context. When you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’ve been productive, when you’ve been unproductive.
4. Sustain this for at least 3 months. Tell me how it goes.