I wanna try tweeting like my most straightforward honest feelings about gender stuff; my thinking itself seems to be convoluted for social obscurity purposes

1. it is known that women have been treated like property for a long time in human history, and they still are literally treated as such in far too many parts of the world, including some supposedly enlightened parts. this fucking sucks and needs fixing
2. within that broader reality are several sub-realities, including social fictions that may or may not correspond to “actual reality”, and appear to influence outcomes… what the fuck am I saying
3. I suppose let’s investigate a question. My question is, if women and men are “equal” (whatever tf that means), why do women seem to consistently report and described being screwed over by men like this? The elegant answer is “because patriarchy”. But is it true?

I saw this thread earlier about how difficult it can be for women to stand up to men. I think I even relate a little bit via the minority race. I thanked the author for writing and sharing it, sincerely

*via the minority race experience – something about peer acceptance, agreeableness, yadda yadda

Idk I’m really in two or more minds about this. It’s hard to say anything assertively because the opposite thing is also true in some circumstance. But not “evenly opposite”. There are differences of proportion and intensity and it’s hard to map out, even with good intentions

As a man I know how to use “women’s language” to create sympathy for me and my struggles in a way that actually elevates me, makes me look good, earns me status, etc etc. This is not a skill that most men possess, for a bunch of plausible reasons

The optics of gender relations is such that a man talking publicly abt how a woman may have manipulated him will almost always look bad, except maybe in really extreme circumstances. He will look weak, & weakness is despised in men unless it’s part of a redemption narrative arc

I’m thinking of a reply my wife got from some anon guy – a longtime follower of mine, decent dude afaik- who said that his mom despised men/boys and it created self-loathing in him and that phrases like “men are trash” make him feel shitty to the point of despair

My instinctive feeling- I didn’t act on it- was to say something like, “tough titties, dude. I’m truly sorry but nobody gives a fuck about guys in this position and you cannot cry your way out of this one. you’re too low status to pull that off”

It’s true that high status dudes basically get away with everything. 1% high status man tears might be as powerful as maybe 70% of women’s tears. But then like 80% of male tears rank lower than 70% of women’s. Something like that

It’s interesting that low status dudes haven’t unionised to take out high status dudes. I suppose it’s similar to poor unionizing to eat the rich. Coordination is hard. If you were that high agency you might as well just become high status

I think it is good and healthy for men to cry but you kind of have to “earn the right”. This is my assessment of social reality based on what I’ve seen

I mean like, publicly, or amongst friends or whatever. If a man cries too much too often without having some corresponding value, my sense is that he will get written off or otherwise quietly shed, or otherwise resented & despised. I think TRP is right about this particular thing

People who acquire status through underhand or imperfect means will often perform the “man, status isn’t what I assumed it would be” atonement song. I think they are telling the truth. But also I think it still beats out the agony of being a low-status misfit

I honestly feel like I would like to live in a world where status didn’t matter and we could all just be friendly nerds, live laugh love freely etc etc bla bla But since that fantasy world does not exist, it is broadly better to have status than not

like money, status is something you can afford to not care about once you have enough to spare. I say this as the blasphemous son of a low caste man who would’ve been murdered in India for marrying outside what was socially prescribed for him

I think being a man and being a woman are both very difficult in their own ways. My wife is my best friend of almost 20 years and there are parts of our respective struggles that are opaque to the other person

Lol I just remembered that this acct has GirlVisa avi. Somehow didn’t register the whole time I was tweeting

I think the current mainstream discourse is such that saying “being a woman is hard” will get broad acceptance/support + blowback from low-status men, while saying “being a man is hard” will get some support from low-status men which isn’t worth very much unless you doing a grift

part of the woman’s struggle is that there will be dismissal from high status men who don’t have to post dumb replies on twitter – they use the tools at their disposal instead. That’s the thing about utterances vs power

“Being a man is hard” *can* be said if you do it skillfully, and if you’re skillful you will win support from wider audiences. For all of his humorlessness, Jordan Peterson certainly struck a chord here and won over mid-tier dudes

A thing I think I haven’t said is that societally it does seem to me that many, many women do still think of men as “above” them in some vague sort of social pecking order, in a revealed preference sort of sense, though it’s also a “you walk in front and get shot thx” sense

Here you gotta think about your model of status and power and so on. Kings vs kingmakers. Why be the king when you can be the person behind the curtain pulling the strings? You miss out on superficial glory but you still can get most of what you want + sleep more soundly at night

To get grandiose and archetypal, historically men have allegedly feared women for their “incomprehensible” communication styles and illegible social orders, and also disproportionately blamed them for everything. Witches and their silver tongues ruining everything. Although,

Men bitch and gossip all the time too in their own ways. They too spread lies and leak nudes. How did dudes pull off this massive heist in plain sight, calling women “emotional” while being angry, jealous, vindictive, etc etc?

Like, how did “dumb as rocks” boys pull that shit off? That’s the funny thing about gender relations – because of the yin/yang dynamic, when you insult the other, you insult yourself. This happens to both men and women

I have always been sorely tempted to reply to whiny manosphere types with “bro why u bitching about women, u the real bitch here, bitch ass little girl crying about his feelings” I kno I kno it perpetuates the problem but still. lol

It does seem to me that most women I talk to IRL want a man who is confident, calm, relaxed, strong, to take the lead, be sensitive, make decisions… it’s not exaaactly an equal partnership. Women do want a daddy the way men want a mommy

Like in a sense I think they’d even say “I want my man to be better than me”, which includes knowing better than to gloat about being better. better + humble. But better! Of course there’s variations in the details

I’m realizing, men don’t talk to me as much about what they’re looking for in a partner. Women talk to me about men all the time. Kind of an odd position for me to inhabit

Yeah this is a good point that I haven’t quite articulated in this thread and it’s another thing that TRP is annoyingly right about. There *has* been an emasculation of men and it hurts everyone. Guys have gotten more indecisive

“A sensitive man who’s decisive but not a fascist. Is that too much to ask” – like 80% of my single lady friends probably some of them would probably say fuck it I’ll fuck the fascist is he cute the world is burning

I don’t know how to artfully say on main that I am very good with women relative to most men. I possess some very valuable information/insight but I don’t know it as precisely well as I know other things bc I haven’t workshopped it publicly as much

I also don’t want to be some kind of dating coach or whatever I think that’s iffy. I’ll probably workshop tweets here and then make the occasional YouTube video

I will say that the best advice I have for dudes to be better with women is to watch a bunch of movies and read a bunch of books and blogposts etc written by women. You can’t reduce it to a bunch of hacks or whatever. It’s learning a different language