I like to think that almost every single thing in the universe is a part of something greater than itself, and I think as social creatures we have a very strong impulse to experience that- that’s why we enjoy working with a great team, whether it’s a band of musicians, sportsmen, or even just close friends having conversation over coffee.

At a neurological level there’s something fascinating called transactive cognition, where we outsource a part of our brains to something outside of ourselves. We do this when we save phone numbers in our phones instead of memorizing them- which is why we feel so distraught when we lose our phones. We lose a little part of our minds. (It can be fun to contemplate this in parallel with trade, culture and globalization).

Transactive cognition is the foundation of a lot of great relationships- the more you’ve experienced with someone else, the more you develop a common understanding about things. Each of you develops an idea of how the other person works, and this allows you to work together effectively as a team- an idea of who can do what best. Communication becomes effortless, a pleasure. Perhaps that’s why sometimes we bump into old friends we haven’t met in years and find ourselves able to continue right from where we left off.

That’s why losing people hurts, too. We lose a little part of our minds- and with them, a whole world of possibility. (I do find existentialist comfort in the idea of transactive cognition- that we always carry a little piece of one another with us wherever we go. Ideas are bulletproof, no?)

People don’t complete each other, and the idea that a person can somehow be complete or incomplete is a venomous thorn in the side of humanity that we need to collectively get rid of.

I prefer to think of relationships as the opportunity we give each other to be a part of something greater than ourselves. The whole is more than the sum of its parts.