It’s amazing, frustrating and humbling how easily I fall back into the same old routines and problems when I haven’t been paying much attention, when I let things slide thinking that they’ll sort themselves out. I’m always trying to say everything at once, and being unable to do so, I choose the alternative- which is saying nothing at all. I can’t even use excuses like “I don’t know why that is,” because I do. I’ve been here before, and I’ve overcome it before, it’s getting old, tiring, boring.

So let’s start with the immediate, the now. It’s 3:46am on a Friday night, or Saturday morning, whichever you prefer. The 90 week project has been temporarily derailed by the loss of a cherished notebook where I was tracking everything (from week 45 to 56 or so), the inconvenience of being stuck on an off-shore island 5 days a week, and other excuses I make up to avoid admitting that it’s really just me not putting in effort.

BMT has been fun, fulfilling, enriching- because I’ve chosen to view it as such, to construct it as such, to live it as such. I’m pretty sure that I’m fitter than I’ve ever been, and there’s visible impact on my body. Maybe I’ll take pictures. I should.

When I enlisted in 2010 (wow, that seems a long time ago), I was over a thousand dollars in debt. A year and a half later, I have over a thousand dollars in the bank. That feels wonderful! It’s real, measurable progress and I’m proud of myself for that.

The most immediate thing I need to accomplish is to establish routines that get me moving along the path that I want to go, and the most important thing I can think of is writing. I need to write every day, and the best way to ensure that, I believe, is to write immediately after I wake up, and again before I go to bed. I could modify and tweak that later on, but I’ve got to get it started if I want to make any progress. Normally, if I haven’t written anything at all by 3:50pm (which is the case), I’d call it a day and decide to try harder the next day (and, of course, not do anything about it.)

I’m really sick of that. So I have to fix it. Writing every day. Simple as that, right? Seriously, Visa.