I smoked a cigarette today.
Here’s what I’m not going to do:
I’m not going to deceive anybody, especially myself. “Nobody needs to know,” I would’ve reasoned before. I could just quietly pretend that today was just like any of the previous 14 days where I hadn’t smoked a single puff. But I’m not going to do that. I decided firmly and irrevocably that I’m going to grow as a person, and I think a large part of that growth involves openly confronting these little failures and shortcomings. I could hide the truth, but an honest analysis of my past has revealed to me time and time again that hiding the truth is a great source of anxiety, guilt and stress. That’s not who I want to be.
What am I going to focus on? I could focus on the fact that I slipped up and failed, or that I’m not as amazing as I wish I was, or that I made a mistake. Instead, I’m going to focus on moving forward. I’m going to continue without smoking. I’m going to focus on how it feels to acknowledge that I’m not perfect.
What does that mean? It means that I’m not going to give up. It means that I’m going to dust myself off and keep going. It means that I’m going to be better off for this, rather than beat myself up or be upset.
Am I disappointed in myself? For a while I was, but now I am not. I did what I did, and I am going to keep moving forward. I’m still going to continue with “Smoke Free Day 16” tomorrow- my goal was to go 30 days without smoking, and I feel that 1 cigarette in 30 days is still a valid improvement from roughly 250 cigarettes in the previous 30 days. I will, of course, mention this in my final analysis at the end of it all.
I will hold my head high and surge forward with undiminished vigour.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.”
Samuel Beckett“Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”
Winston Churchill“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.”
George Bernard Shaw
kudos on trying to quit smoking, i’ve been following your journey with much interest. never thought that non-smokers/smokers would have such differences in perception (:
that said, to be honest i feel that you should restart your counter to make your intention to keep going truly valid – i dont understand the physiology or mentality of addiction very much, and i appreciate the difficulty you must have, but it seems that any regression would put you back to square one in terms of your cravings and habits. (i believe you mentioned that you’ve gone longer without smoking as well)
i’m sure your journey thus far has been an achievement already, which is why i felt that i should say this to encourage you to make it a permanent thing, and live up to the promise you made yourself.
all the best! (:
Smoking is NOT for everyone, and if you enjoy and derive beneficial effects from smoking, try to change to PURE tobacco. South & American Indians have known the spiritual benefit from tobacco smoking without having cancer haunting their lives.
The modern cigarettes are laced with chemicals that will surely tainted your lung and respiratory system. And as in alcohol, consume in moderation. Happy smoking.-
How’s it going then, eh?
Still strong willed??
– Coming from someone who still has to fight the urges after quitting smoking for a good 6 years!!
Ah, no, I’m still smoking these days. Haha. Thanks for sharing!
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