I understand that the previous post may not completely make sense. It is also not as efficient, effective and straightforward as I would like it to be. It does not properly express what I want to express. If I had to give it a grade, it would only get a D+ or a C- at best.

But that can’t be helped. Nobody starts out perfect. I cannot keep living my life deluding myself that it’s all “A’s or nothing”. That is a pitiful and pathetic attempt by my subconscious to convince me that I am secretly really good at everything I do, and that it’s simply a case of me not being very much interested in doing anything at all. Perhaps the most pathetic thing about that is that for the longest time, I was actually swayed by such a flimsy argument.

It is humbling to realise, on hindsight, just how easily  I deceive myself to avoid the painful conflict of self-confrontation.

It is unbelievably easy to persuade ourselves of whatever it is we want to be convinced of. It is frightening, even, to realise that many of the decisions we make are not as rationally evaluated as we might want to believe. We might sit down and logically evaluate our options without realizing that our subconscious influences such decision-making- a powerful and multi-faceted process which I will not talk about at this point in time because I do not want to pretend that I understand it.

I’m going off on a tangent again. There is too much on my mind for me to express exactly what I want to express, or for me to even know exactly what it is I want to express. I am not a good enough writer, or thinker. But I’m working on it. I will reach that stage.

And I will dare to fail along the way.