{"id":14907,"date":"2022-03-08T17:29:44","date_gmt":"2022-03-08T09:29:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?p=14907"},"modified":"2025-01-14T01:11:59","modified_gmt":"2025-01-13T17:11:59","slug":"heartsong","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/","title":{"rendered":"do whatever makes your heart sing"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><em>&#8220;Don&#8217;t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.&#8221; \u2013 Howard Thurman<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A very common question I get from my friends in all sorts of contexts is &#8220;What should I do? What should I write? What should I talk about? What do you want to hear?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And an answer I find myself giving a lot of the time is, &#8220;whatever makes your heart sing, man!&#8221; Whatever makes you feel alive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people might find this to be somewhat evasive and glib, but I think it&#8217;s the most important thing. Steve Jobs and Wozniak used to do pranks for fun, and it led to them making blue boxes to &#8216;phreak&#8217; telephone infrastructure, and Jobs went on to say that, without blue boxes, there would be no Apple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Richard Feynman was goofing off piddling with spinning plates, following his curiosity, and that&#8217;s how he ended up doing the &#8220;pointless&#8221; research that led to him winning the Nobel Prize.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People in general tend to worry too much about what &#8220;the market&#8221; wants, or what other people want. But <a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/most-people\/\">most people<\/a> aren&#8217;t very good at articulating what they want. So the magic happens when you articulate what <em>you<\/em> want. In a world where people are taught to falsify their preferences, deny their desires, &#8220;conceal, don&#8217;t feel&#8221;, expressing your heart&#8217;s deepest desires is a tremendous gift. Your roaring self-acceptance gives everyone else permission to do the same. It is tremendous, it is radical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Do what makes your heart sing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(2024dec24) &#8220;Heartsong&#8221; feels like a proto-book, or a collection of posts beyond this one, so I made a category\/list. Posts in this category include<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/focus\/\">focus on what you want to see more of<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/vision\/\">articulating a vision<\/a> \u2013 these are 3 youtube videos, need transcribing<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/visakanv.com\/blog\/monarch\/\">you are already monarch<\/a> \u2014 leads into (1)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/courage\/\">you can&#8217;t think your way out of a courage deficit<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/introspect\/\">do you know what you want?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/comedy\/\">learn to laugh at yourself<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/optimism\/\">how to be more optimistic<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/respect\/\">earn self-respect<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/libraries\/\">the library ethos<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heat-death\/\">the heat death of the universe means legacy is ultimately futile<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>there&#8217;s more, but I feel like I ought to switch to examining the &#8220;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/knowable\/\">Knowable<\/a>&#8221; category for now&#8230; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2014 2. do not leave your longings unattended \u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-twitter wp-block-embed-twitter\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<blockquote class=\"twitter-tweet\" data-width=\"550\" data-dnt=\"true\"><p lang=\"en\" dir=\"ltr\">do not leave your longings unattended <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/vDIhwnazSS\">https:\/\/t.co\/vDIhwnazSS<\/a> <a href=\"https:\/\/t.co\/cqo40rvsNw\">pic.twitter.com\/cqo40rvsNw<\/a><\/p>&mdash; Visakan Veerasamy (@visakanv) <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1856710557463683460?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw\">November 13, 2024<\/a><\/blockquote><script async src=\"https:\/\/platform.twitter.com\/widgets.js\" charset=\"utf-8\"><\/script>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>2023feb17<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&lt;folders pic&gt;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>the point of this post is to have some wistful energy, some liminality\u2026 i should be feeling it right now while i\u2019m going through my notes\u2026 what does it feel like? like i\u2019m being disassembled? bilbo said \u201cspread like too little butter over too much bread\u201d, and there\u2019s some of that\u2026 but it\u2019s more like\u2026 i\u2019ve been prism\u2019d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I wish I could tell you who made the above bit of art, I tried looking but I haven\u2019t found anything definitive. It\u2019s been on my mind for some time, and it represents the state of both my mind and my workspace very well. I have a lot on my mind. A lot of unanswered DMs, emails, open loops, unfinished drafts, scattered longings. As I start writing this I feel compelled to close some tabs. I have maybe 20-30 tabs open across 3 windows across 3 screens. I had saved this image in a tumblr I started a while ago, <a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"http:\/\/hrefgopuram.tumblr.com\">HREFgopuram.tumblr.com<\/a>, with a title \u201cHyperthreading?\u201d, as a breadcrumb for me to consider. I know that I want to use this image in a Substack essay, because it\u2019s just so evocative and compelling for me, and I know that I want to write an essay about \u201chyperthreading\u201d, which is an elaborate idea I have about elaborate interweavings of hypertext.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But I don\u2019t feel like that\u2019s something that\u2019s wants to be written right now. It\u2019s a rainy December afternoon, and I don\u2019t feel like doing very much, but I do feel like I ought to write something. I have many different forms of writing. Last night as I lay in bed, I found myself thinking that I don\u2019t really know how I write, I just do. In some sense, it\u2019s actually my fingers that know how to write, and my job is to get out of their way. When I start thinking about it, it gets all messed up. Sometimes I write with my mouth \u2013 writing can be speech, speech can be writing, especially if you record yourself talking and then transcribe it. I\u2019ve noticed that when I transcribe my speech, it follows different paths and patterns than when I write with my fingers. Who is doing this writing? It doesn\u2019t feel like it\u2019s me. I\u2019m mostly just witnessing it happening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I have had grand visions for this Substack \u2013 in my imagination I\u2019ve tasted something sublime, transcendent, subversive, evocative, true. But visions are always vague, and reality can be stubbornly insistent in its precision. There\u2019s so much in me that wants to come out, and I find myself in conflict with myself, because there are different parts of me that have different goals, different interests, different compulsions. And my task as the conscious adult in the room is to play some kind of referee, mediator, negotiator, and sometimes I wish that weren\u2019t necessary, and that everything would just be effortless and beautiful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I find myself chafing at my constraints. I\u2019ve come this far and worked this hard \u2013 and in this moment a part of me wants to tell you all about my journey and my efforts, but another part of me resents the very idea of that. There\u2019s a lot to be said, but not everything<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A part of me wants to do everything. A part of me wants to tell beautiful stories about what we could be, what we could do together, wants to be inspiring and resplendent. Another part of me says Fuck That, life is grim and gritty and we ought to tell the hard, painful, unvarnished truths of things, we\u2019re so tired of all the pomp and grandiosity. Part of me wants to write small, quiet, personal memoirs, simply revisiting and retelling the history of my own life in a plain way, and maybe if I\u2019m being a little ambitious, contextualize it against the stories that I\u2019m embedded in. Another part of me says, to hell with boring ol\u2019 me, let\u2019s do some exciting nerdposting, lets dive deep into the history of scenes, let\u2019s write about the caravans of the Sahara, about the ancient forgotten kingdoms of maritime Southeast Asia. A part of me wants to do an advice column, because I remember thrashing about in uncertainty with no good guidance available, and I promised my childself that I would figure things out and then be a good big brother figure to the next kid. Another part of me says Fuck That, I don\u2019t want to become an AdviceBro, even if I know I\u2019ll be better at it than most of the options on the advice market, because I\u2019m just tired of performing that role, I want to try on something different. (And in some ways that\u2019s the \u201cbest advice\u201d, to demonstrate what it looks like to live well.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I want to do all of these things and more. I want to write fiction, and I know the smart thing is to start with short stories and sketches. I want to finish 1000wordvomits, which was a writing project I started just about a decade ago, to write a million words. I\u2019m 81.6% complete, so theoretically it should take me another 2.5 years to finish. A part of me believes I could finish it in a month if I really set my heart and mind to it. But I have so many other scattered longings, and who I am to decide what to focus on? Oh, right. I am the <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1160746630838009856\">monarch of my life<\/a>\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Well, that\u2019s a lot of responsibility. It involves feeling personally accountable for everything that doesn\u2019t work out, everything that doesn\u2019t go wrong. That\u2019s painful, and it\u2019s probably a part of why lots of people abdicate responsibility for themselves, and for the outcomes that are intertwined with them. (The first line of <em>King Warrior Magician Lover<\/em> is, \u201cWe hear it said of some man that \u2018he just can\u2019t get himself together\u2019.\u201d There are great riffs on psychological integration\u2026..)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But do I want to go there right now? Because I think it\u2019s also true that sometimes it\u2019s better to wait it out, for the thing to reveal itself, for coherence to emerge, rather than be forced. That\u2019s the nature of desire paths. You can\u2019t demand desire paths into being overnight, just as you can\u2019t have a baby in 1 month. Some things take time and can\u2019t be rushed, and rushing can even make it worse. Hence&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>you are already monarch of your life<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>your task, if you choose to accept it, is to step resolutely into your responsibility, to walk the path between tyrant and weakling, to use your strength to bring order and prosperity to the realm. <a href=\"https:\/\/x.com\/visakanv\/status\/1361606555750174721\">start where you are<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>\u201cYou will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself&#8230; the height of a man&#8217;s success is gauged by his self-mastery; the depth of his failure by his self-abandonment. &#8230; And this law is the expression of eternal justice. He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others.\u201d \u2013 Leonardo Da Vinci<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2014 3. writing from the heart \u2014 <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>2023apr13<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(abandoned substack draft)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s funny how the bog of life\u2019s troubles can creep up on you. Even when you\u2019ve done the reading and the reflection and you think you know what to expect. A day passes, then a week, and next thing you know you\u2019re neck-deep in psychic muck, and it\u2019s hard to breathe, hard to move, and the only way out is some kind of intervention. A part of me is ashamed to be here. A slightly more enlightened part of me knows that being ashamed about being stuck only prolongs the stuckness. And so I have to surrender to the reality of my situation, acknowledge that I need help, and let myself be helped. In this case, by myself! By a \u201chigher consciousness\u201d form of myself, it seems like. It\u2019s so bizarre how that somehow works, but it seems to be working. Hey, I\u2019m not going to question it, if the spirit is finally going to move me then who am I to argue?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As I sit here, in my home study, in front of my ridiculously overpowered Macbook and 3 external monitors, I find myself reminiscing on the writing I used to do when I was a kid. I used to write on my family\u2019s home computer at 3am in the morning. When I was in school, I remember sometimes going to the library during recess time to use the computer\u2026 to post on forums and to update my blog. I remember buying a secondhand laptop from one of my friends for S$100, and going to Starbucks to write blogposts, where I would nerd out about the nature of complex systems, and cheerfully pontificate about things like \u201cthe problem of ignorance\u201d and \u201chow to hack the 7 deadly sins\u201d and rant about local news and politics. I used to write blogposts in the office computer while I was in the military. I remember feeling pride at shipping those old blogposts, some of which I\u2019ve archived, but many of which have been lost to time. I\u2019ve written so much \u2013 over a million words easily \u2013 that it\u2019s almost inconceivable to me. (And then I reflect with awe about the authors who\u2019ve written even more. The New York Times pegs Isaac Asimov\u2019s total published wordcount at 7.6 million \u2014 and the unpublished wordcount is surely at least double that!) I remember once sitting with my laptop and a notebook on a Saturday morning, crying to myself because I had<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But here I am, sitting at my computer, looking at a hundred drafts and a thousand notes and wondering to myself, why am I so knotted? Why am I so stuck? What is it that I want to be writing? I\u2019ve gotten so swept up in all my grand plans and schemes about what I&nbsp;<em>should<\/em>&nbsp;write, that I\u2019ve lost touch with the heart. I remember giving myself advice from one of my alts: \u201cThe most important part of a book is its heart.\u201d I todl myself that in May 2021, after I had spent more than a year agonizing over Introspect, and I would still continue to spend 9 more months agonizing further. When I shipped the book, with all its flaws and imperfections, a part of me felt like I was surrendering, giving up. And yeah, I know all the quotes about how \u201cart is never finished, only abandoned\u201d. I feel a sadness in that. I\u2019m reminded of my mortality. There\u2019s a whole essay I\u2019ve been drafting around the idea of \u201cartful incompleteness\u201d, and I continue to stew on it because it doesn\u2019t quite seem artful in its incompleteness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I don\u2019t know. I don\u2019t want to bore readers. Most critically of all,&nbsp;<a target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" href=\"https:\/\/visakanv.substack.com\/p\/i-dont-wanna\">I don\u2019t wanna<\/a>&nbsp;bore myself. But if I\u2019m honest, I have to acknowledge that I have been tormenting myself with these directives, intellectually dismissing everything as boring before I can even give myself the time and space to really feel what I\u2019m getting at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The most important part of a piece of writing is its heart. Maybe not all authors would agree with that. Some might say, the most important thing is that you have a good idea, or a compelling thesis. The most important thing might be a sense of plot, a line of action running through the thing. Or that something you write is well-researched and supported with evidence. I can nod along to all of those things. But for me, if I\u2019m honest with myself, the most important part of a piece of writing is its heart. And my writing has felt heartless as of late. I\u2019ve written enough now that words can spill out of my fingers without my conscious intervention, like a musician improvising along familiar scales. But casual improvisation, while a pleasant way to pass the time, is not performance. And here I want to be careful to remind myself that passing the time pleasantly with one\u2019s craft can be a critical part of continuing to love the work. If you\u2019re not having fun, what\u2019s the point?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\/\/\/ (on creation myths, ethan hawke) like a lot of these things, i think it\u2019s right there in plain sight and people will nod their heads when you point it out \u201coh yea of course\u201d but few people typically really dig into it and FEEL the intensity within it- usually this happens after major heartbreak, failure, grief,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\/\/ abandoned<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Don&#8217;t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.&#8221; \u2013 Howard Thurman A very common question I get from my friends in all sorts of contexts is &#8220;What should I do? What should I write? What should [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":15802,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1370],"tags":[1358],"class_list":["post-14907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-start","tag-heartsong"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>do whatever makes your heart sing - @visakanv&#039;s blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"do whatever makes your heart sing - @visakanv&#039;s blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"&#8220;Don&#8217;t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.&#8221; \u2013 Howard Thurman A very common question I get from my friends in all sorts of contexts is &#8220;What should I do? What should I write? What should [&hellip;]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"@visakanv&#039;s blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-03-08T09:29:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-01-13T17:11:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/heartsong-724x1024.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"724\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1024\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Visakan Veerasamy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@visakanv\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Visakan Veerasamy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Visakan Veerasamy\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f\"},\"headline\":\"do whatever makes your heart sing\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-03-08T09:29:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-01-13T17:11:59+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\"},\"wordCount\":2530,\"commentCount\":1,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/heartsong.png\",\"keywords\":[\"heartsong\"],\"articleSection\":[\"starting points\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\",\"name\":\"do whatever makes your heart sing - @visakanv&#039;s blog\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/heartsong.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-03-08T09:29:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-01-13T17:11:59+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/heartsong.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/heartsong.png\",\"width\":930,\"height\":1316},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/heartsong\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"do whatever makes your heart sing\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"@visakanv&#039;s blog\",\"description\":\"Buy my first book FRIENDLY AMBITIOUS NERD today! 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