How to DM your heroes when they follow you <\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. specific proof-of-work: \u201cI\u2019ve been a fan of your work and writing since the livejournal days\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
2. share something specific about yourself, their influence on you: \u201cyour work shaped the way I now do X\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
3. ask easy-to-answer specific question. I would try to have a yes\/no component, try to make it something more nuanced than what they\u2019re used to answering all the time, something compelling and slightly personal but not too personal. really smart move is to ask about someone *they\u2019re* a fan of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my experience, if you compress all of this into about 3 short lines, in a single DM, you basically make it irresistible for them to respond, and you\u2019ll likely become friends. This is how I\u2019m friends with some of my mutuals who used to seem like they\u2019re way out of my league<\/p>\n\n\n\n
underlying principles are: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
– these people are busy, so keep your texts simple and short <\/p>\n\n\n\n
– they\u2019re used to dealing with people being starstruck, so give them the relief of not having to manage your emotions. No \u201cI\u2019m sure you get this all the time\u201d or \u201cyou\u2019re probably not gonna see this\u201d typa nonsense. Edit that out. A perfect ask comes without strings, like an oasis in the desert. Talk like you\u2019re casually confident (but not arrogant!! edit that out too) that you\u2019re already peers<\/p>\n\n\n\n
– they can\u2019t trust you if they don\u2019t know anything about you, so tell them a little about yourself. don’t go monologuing your life story (see principle 1), but rather, tell them a detail or two that their work impacted. Creators love to <\/p>\n\n\n\n
when you have a chance for an audience with a king, don\u2019t grovel at his feet for his approval. he gets that shit all the time, it\u2019s exhausting. don\u2019t snark and sneer at him, he gets that too. face him as an equal and give him a kingly gift that\u2019s superior to everything else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have like a mental warehouse of such gifts prepared for the top 50-100 people I want to be friends with. If I bump into any of my heroes at a restaurant, I know exactly what I would say to them in 30 seconds <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI love your work\u201d over \u201cI love you omg\u201d is like a secret password. but it\u2019s not just the phrasing of course, a lot of it is about the vibe. you want them to feel \u201coh my god finally a person who gets me and gets it and they\u2019re not a fanboy or hater, I don\u2019t have to manage them, and they ask me interesting questions too!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
absolutely do not send them your soundcloud or youtube or novel draft in the first exchange. you should have it on hand of course (always be prepared), but your job is to be so interesting that they ask you for it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
if you present it to them without them asking, you\u2019re likely going to relegate yourself to opportunist\/wannabe in their eyes. not 100% necessarily, but this is a game of odds, and you wanna do things that improve your odds and not do things that worsen your odds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here’s one of my beliefs that I haven\u2019t articulated clearly yet: I think the irresistability of a great ask is almost independent of the asker and the asked. a truly fantastic ask is something that the universe itself seems compelled to honor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
a fantastic ask is not the same as a dramatic gesture, which can be imposing. a dramatic gesture is like, sending them 10 pages of DMs. it\u2019s intimidating, overwhelming, selfish, unfair. a fantastic ask is small but perfect, like a haiku you hear once and remember forever. (in this world \/ we walk on the roof of hell \/ gazing at flowers \u2013 Kobayashi Issa)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
tbc<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n found an old now-deleted tweet where someone said ~”you must get this all the time but will you give me an internship?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s always interesting that people assume this about famous CEOs etc. A quick twitter search suggests that around 10 people have ever asked (on twitter). I would guess that less than 1,000 have asked in total, and that less that 50 have done their homework enough to say yes to<\/p>\n\n\n\n most people who ask are asking from a place of scarcity and wishful thinking. this pretty much guarantees a non-response because you\u2019re giving them work to do. If you\u2019re really serious about finding a way to work with someone you should figure out how to take work off their plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n