{"id":13903,"date":"2020-04-20T09:13:18","date_gmt":"2020-04-20T01:13:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?p=13903"},"modified":"2020-07-06T19:07:14","modified_gmt":"2020-07-06T11:07:14","slug":"listen-to-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"listen to kids"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

About once or twice a week I get some long DMs, usually from a younger person, who\u2019s all stressed out and wound tight about how they\u2019re going about their lives. It\u2019s really heartening and kinda sad how appreciative they are when all I do is say a few kind, supportive things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My sense is\u2026 lots of kids are really anxious and overwhelmed. And I don\u2019t think it\u2019s they\u2019re fault; they inherit it from the world around them. Kids are more perceptive than you think. But they don\u2019t yet have a lot of executive function. (Also\u2026 puberty is serious drugs, man!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I\u2019m getting out of this, really, is that people aren\u2019t listening to kids. That\u2019s why they DM a stranger halfway around the world. To find someone who will listen to them, who will ask them loving questions from a place of kindness and sincere curiosity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few mins of attention from an adult who sincerely cares can be life-changing for a kid who feels invisible and worthless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bigger question: why do so many kids feel so worthless?? The BS about participation trophies is BS. Kids know the truth even if they can\u2019t articulate it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also find that adults often dramatically underestimate the degree to which kids pretend to be kids, for adults.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kids will often pretend, when mom asks, that they didn\u2019t hear mommy and daddy fighting. This is a sort of stress-minimization strategy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Not all kids, of course\u2026 but this is a recurring pattern I see a lot. Kids have inner lives that are much richer and much more complex than adults tend to remember. Their motivations and concerns are multi-variate, convoluted, conflicting, and their fears are outsized)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think it\u2019s v important for kids to have relationships with nourishing adults of all kinds- particularly adults who have nothing to do with them. (Parents and teachers are constrained by their obligations.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

School programs kids to be with same-aged peers. I think this is unhealthy (amongst many, many other things that are unhealthy about school.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I think for a lot of kids, the first time they encounter \u201csomeone who cares, when they don\u2019t have to\u201d, is via art. That was the case for me. Libraries are full of evidence that there are people who care about me even though they don\u2019t know me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s always surprising to me that people think it\u2019s hard to get kids to read. Sure it is, if you make it a burden and a tedious obligation. I read books because it was intoxicating to walk through the mind-palace of somebody who cared about me. Kids are starving for this feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This desire, by the way, is how kids end up with bad company. Charming manipulators know how to appeal to a child\u2019s desire for independence, desire to be seen. This is why kids date bad boys and get hideous tattoos. To exercise their sovereignty<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In every child is the seed of a sovereign individual, with their own hopes and dreams and desires and identities. If you really appreciate this, you can have wonderful relationships with them, even learn a lot from them. If you don\u2019t, you\u2019re both gonna have a bad time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[original thread here<\/a>]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

About once or twice a week I get some long DMs, usually from a younger person, who\u2019s all stressed out and wound tight about how they\u2019re going about their lives. It\u2019s really heartening and kinda sad how appreciative they are when all I do is say a few kind, supportive things. My sense is\u2026 lots […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-unsorted"],"yoast_head":"\nlisten to kids - @visakanv's blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"listen to kids - @visakanv's blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"About once or twice a week I get some long DMs, usually from a younger person, who\u2019s all stressed out and wound tight about how they\u2019re going about their lives. It\u2019s really heartening and kinda sad how appreciative they are when all I do is say a few kind, supportive things. My sense is\u2026 lots […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"@visakanv's blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-04-20T01:13:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-07-06T11:07:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Visakan Veerasamy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@visakanv\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Visakan Veerasamy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Visakan Veerasamy\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f\"},\"headline\":\"listen to kids\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-04-20T01:13:18+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-07-06T11:07:14+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\"},\"wordCount\":556,\"commentCount\":0,\"articleSection\":[\"unsorted\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\",\"name\":\"listen to kids - @visakanv's blog\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2020-04-20T01:13:18+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-07-06T11:07:14+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"listen to kids\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"@visakanv's blog\",\"description\":\"Buy my first book FRIENDLY AMBITIOUS NERD today! gum.co\/FANbook\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f\",\"name\":\"Visakan Veerasamy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eb0258044c14d754c4ec19351286486b5cb4b0dbed3927a8e318a3da693d7ea3?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eb0258044c14d754c4ec19351286486b5cb4b0dbed3927a8e318a3da693d7ea3?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eb0258044c14d754c4ec19351286486b5cb4b0dbed3927a8e318a3da693d7ea3?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Visakan Veerasamy\"},\"description\":\"@visakanv\",\"sameAs\":[\"instagram.com\/visakanv\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/visakanv\",\"youtube.com\/visakanv\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/author\/visakanv\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"listen to kids - @visakanv's blog","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"listen to kids - @visakanv's blog","og_description":"About once or twice a week I get some long DMs, usually from a younger person, who\u2019s all stressed out and wound tight about how they\u2019re going about their lives. It\u2019s really heartening and kinda sad how appreciative they are when all I do is say a few kind, supportive things. My sense is\u2026 lots […]","og_url":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/","og_site_name":"@visakanv's blog","article_published_time":"2020-04-20T01:13:18+00:00","article_modified_time":"2020-07-06T11:07:14+00:00","author":"Visakan Veerasamy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@visakanv","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Visakan Veerasamy","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/"},"author":{"name":"Visakan Veerasamy","@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f"},"headline":"listen to kids","datePublished":"2020-04-20T01:13:18+00:00","dateModified":"2020-07-06T11:07:14+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/"},"wordCount":556,"commentCount":0,"articleSection":["unsorted"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/","url":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/","name":"listen to kids - @visakanv's blog","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#website"},"datePublished":"2020-04-20T01:13:18+00:00","dateModified":"2020-07-06T11:07:14+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f"},"breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/listen-to-kids\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"listen to kids"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/","name":"@visakanv's blog","description":"Buy my first book FRIENDLY AMBITIOUS NERD today! gum.co\/FANbook","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/3e6b165830fd1623c501696e0c9efc0f","name":"Visakan Veerasamy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eb0258044c14d754c4ec19351286486b5cb4b0dbed3927a8e318a3da693d7ea3?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eb0258044c14d754c4ec19351286486b5cb4b0dbed3927a8e318a3da693d7ea3?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/eb0258044c14d754c4ec19351286486b5cb4b0dbed3927a8e318a3da693d7ea3?s=96&d=identicon&r=g","caption":"Visakan Veerasamy"},"description":"@visakanv","sameAs":["instagram.com\/visakanv","https:\/\/x.com\/visakanv","youtube.com\/visakanv"],"url":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/author\/visakanv\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13903"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13904,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13903\/revisions\/13904"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}