{"id":13246,"date":"2019-06-23T01:47:33","date_gmt":"2019-06-22T17:47:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?p=13246"},"modified":"2023-05-29T08:44:45","modified_gmt":"2023-05-29T00:44:45","slug":"introductions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/introductions\/","title":{"rendered":"\ud83d\udc4b\ud83c\udffe everyone loves to make a great introduction"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>I think the big secret of social life is that everybody loves to make a great introduction. If you can become someone that people love to introduce to to other people, you&#8217;re &#8220;in the green&#8221; socially. Everybody loves to introduce a great hire, romantic partner, friend, co-founder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Talking about this can seem narcissistic (narcissists ruin everything for the rest of us), but I&#8217;m happy to risk being interpreted as such because I remember what it was like to not know this, and I wish someone walked me through all of this. Understanding this changes everything<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> You don&#8217;t actually need to be extroverted, charming, a sweet talker, witty or anything like that. You can be a total reclusive nerd and still reap the benefits of this realization. The one thing you <em>do<\/em> have to be is NOT AN ASSHOLE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you know how powerful &#8220;NOT AN ASSHOLE&#8221; is?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>for eg \u2013 guys, if you treat women with kindness and respect \u2013 especially those who have zero romantic interest in you and\/or vice versa \u2013 and you make a good impression on them \u2013 <em>they will introduce you to their friends<\/em>. it is <em>ridiculously<\/em> powerful. the bar is so low<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>whenever I work on anything with anyone, the #1 thing I care about is whether or not the person I&#8217;m working with will be happy to introduce me to someone else. (I don&#8217;t even have to worry about things like compensation at this point, which sounds like a brag but it&#8217;s just <em>true<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>if you know that someone is<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>kind<\/li><li>not an asshole<\/li><li>responds well to criticism \/ feedback<\/li><li>doesn&#8217;t take things personally<\/li><li>doesn&#8217;t get mad<\/li><li>cares about being equitable<\/li><li>shows up<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>you can pretty confidently refer them around even if they aren&#8217;t necessarily A+++ performers<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I used to hire freelance writers in my previous role, and it&#8217;s interesting to reflect on who my favorite writers were, who I would refer to others. it wasn&#8217;t necessarily the &#8220;best&#8221; writers. It was those who &#8220;I could work with&#8221;, those who didn&#8217;t waste my time<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I actually didn&#8217;t really mind average-ish writing \u2013 I can help with that. I can challenge you to be better. But what I can&#8217;t deal with is if <em>you<\/em> can&#8217;t deal with being challenged. I actually didn&#8217;t even really mind flaky writers who disappeared on me. Comes with the territory<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>the worst case outcome isn&#8217;t a writer who&#8217;s average-ish, or a writer who ghosts me. the worst case is a writer who takes criticism too personally, and ends up playing this tedious, drawn-out edit-war game where we both just get tired and frustrated &amp; nobody&#8217;s happy<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I think this is true for everything! it&#8217;s true for dates, it&#8217;s true for colleagues, true for friends<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>if it isn&#8217;t a good fit, being able to mutually acknowledge it and move on is actually a good sign. you might even consider referring that person in a different context<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I used to be a much more disagreeable person as a kid, arguing for sport &amp; lulz<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>on retrospect I&#8217;m surprised I only lost a handful of friends. I think I did have a kindness under the abrasiveness<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>but\u2026 why be abrasive at all? it makes your friends nervous &amp; secretive around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;Looking back over a lifetime, you see that love was the answer to everything.&#8221; \u2013 Ray Bradbury<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>we don&#8217;t have to wait that long! we can be loving, nourishing, nurturing, supportive now. everyone is starving for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>an interesting (and sometimes slightly depressing) test: take a look at your social graph, and ask yourself which of your friends you&#8217;d confidently and comfortably introduce to the others. who would you set up on a date with whom? who would you trust to host a dinner party?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My &#8220;nuclear&#8221; test is what I call <a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1016918619551219713\">the Apocalypse test<\/a>. (Imagine it\u2019s the apocalypse (zombies?) and you and your child are in a disaster scenario. Because of circumstances beyond your control, you have to hand your child to someone and go on a dangerous errand.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I dare say that my quality of life is directly, dramatically influenced by the number of people who I have in my social graph who pass the Apocalypse test. The more people I can entrust my child with&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>that&#8217;s it really. while people are out here arguing with idiots (not ya&#8217;ll, i&#8217;m sure \ud83d\ude05), I&#8217;m out here looking for people who pass the apocalypse test, and building the most earnest, sincere, heartfelt relationships I can with them, one nerdpost, kindpost and shitpost at a time<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1002195033380929536\">everyone in this thread is great<\/a> and I look forward to meeting 100s more lovely people like this<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(maybe one of them is secretly an axe murderer that I don&#8217;t know about, but in that &#8220;do you really know anybody, really\u2026?&#8221; sense, ykwim)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I think the big secret of social life is that everybody loves to make a great introduction. If you can [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[1323,1110],"class_list":["post-13246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-unsorted","tag-fan","tag-howto"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>\ud83d\udc4b\ud83c\udffe everyone loves to make a great introduction - @visakanv&#039;s blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/introductions\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\ud83d\udc4b\ud83c\udffe everyone loves to make a great introduction - @visakanv&#039;s blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I think the big secret of social life is that everybody loves to make a great introduction. 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