my appetite is increasing, which is a great side effect because i’m trying to gain weight at the same time. couldn’t have hoped for better!<\/p>\n
it’s interesting; my sense of smell is coming back. I never really noticed that it was gone- but i can smell things that are a lot more subtle, now. my lips are dry even though i drink quite a bit of water, and i have an ulcer under my lip.<\/p>\n
i’m also quite nauseous and giddy, partially from the non-smoking and partially because i stubbed my toe really really hard yesterday >_><\/p>\n
i’m also breathing smoother and easier, at a subconscious level. it’s not completely obvious, but i’m definitely coughing less and i can sense less strain on my lungs. (I’ve decided that if I want to strain them, I’m going running!)<\/p>\n
i smoked one stick with damien last night. I didn’t intend to when I met him, but eventually I just rolled one anyway. He smiled in a friendly way and said “I knew you would”, with no malice whatsoever- just a friendly gesture from buddy to buddy. It incensed me somewhat (i’m not usually ‘incensed’, but i was also irritable from not smoking to begin with)<\/p>\n
and i felt insulted to be considered to be predictable! but then I thought about it and realised that at that point in time, in that context, he was right- and I WAS predictable, succumbing to my demons again- even though I had intended it, that didn’t change anything at all- or rather, if I pretended it did, I would be able to justify my weakness one way or another.<\/p>\n
I refuse to be ‘predictable’ in this context. I am the master of my destiny and the captain of this ship, even if I like to bum around most of the time- i have something to prove, here.<\/p>\n
going to the gym tomorrow, and then to wendy’s for a triple quarter pounder with cheese. MMMMM!!!<\/p>\n
16th: 3 sticks
\n17th: 4 sticks
\n18th: 1 stick
\n19th: 0 sticks<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
my appetite is increasing, which is a great side effect because i’m trying to gain weight at the same time. couldn’t have hoped for better! it’s interesting; my sense of smell is coming back. I never really noticed that it was gone- but i can smell things that are a… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9738","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-2x4","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9738","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=9738"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9738\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=9738"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=9738"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=9738"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}