“For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who\u00a0had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared.\u00a0I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their\u00a0lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.<\/p>\n
I learnt never to underestimate someone\u2019s capacity for growth. Some\u00a0changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as\u00a0expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually\u00a0acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they\u00a0departed though, every one of them.<\/p>\n
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would\u00a0do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the\u00a0most common five:<\/p>\n
1. I wish I\u2019d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the\u00a0life others expected of me.<\/em><\/strong> It is very important to try and honour at least some of your\u00a0dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is\u00a0too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no\u00a0longer have it.<\/p>\n 2. I wish I didn\u2019t work so hard.<\/em><\/strong> By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along\u00a0the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do.\u00a0And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more\u00a0open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.<\/p>\n 3. I wish I\u2019d had the courage to express my feelings.<\/em><\/strong> We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although\u00a0people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking\u00a0honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and\u00a0healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship\u00a0from your life. Either way, you win.<\/p>\n 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships\u00a0slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical\u00a0details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial\u00a0affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds\u00a0the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more\u00a0for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill\u00a0and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and\u00a0relationships in the end.\u00a0That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.<\/p>\n 5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.<\/em><\/strong>
\nThis was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their\u00a0life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how\u00a0many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a\u00a0half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices\u00a0they had made, or not made.<\/p>\n
\nThis came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their\u00a0children\u2019s youth and their partner\u2019s companionship. Women also spoke\u00a0of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the\u00a0female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed\u00a0deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a\u00a0work existence.<\/p>\n
\nMany people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with\u00a0others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed\u00a0illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.<\/p>\n
\n<\/em><\/strong>Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends\u00a0until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them\u00a0down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had\u00a0let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many\u00a0deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that\u00a0they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.<\/p>\n
\nThis is a surprisingly common one.\u00a0Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had\u00a0stayed\u00a0stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called \u2018comfort\u2019 of\u00a0familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical\u00a0lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their\u00a0selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh\u00a0properly and have silliness in their life again.\u00a0When you are on your deathbed, what \u00a0others think of you is a long\u00a0way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile\u00a0again, long before you are dying.<\/p>\n