{"id":3500,"date":"2011-12-11T23:16:45","date_gmt":"2011-12-11T15:16:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?p=3500"},"modified":"2015-02-18T17:14:13","modified_gmt":"2015-02-18T17:14:13","slug":"what-to-do-after-ord","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2011\/12\/11\/what-to-do-after-ord\/","title":{"rendered":"“What to do after ORD?” A conversation about purpose and intent."},"content":{"rendered":"

What do you mean when you say that University education has limited value?\u00a0Do you have any plans to work around that fact?<\/em><\/p>\n

Okay,\u00a0actually limited is an unfair a term to use. Technically it’s unlimited,\u00a0but it’s relatively<\/em> limited in my eyes-\u00a0the same way, for instance, there are an unlimited number of points in 1m, and an unlimited number of points in 2m, but you know 2m has more points than 1m.<\/p>\n

It’s expensive. I\u00a0feel kind of guilty spending that amount of money (which doesn’t belong to me) for something that seems to be nothing but a default rite of passage.<\/em><\/p>\n

I’d say acquiring knowledge and wisdom through university is the same as having fun at a club or getting enlightenment at a church- it’s possible, but a bit predictable, common, and a little bit “overpriced”.<\/p>\n

But would you go through university regardless? Or are you exploring other options? Hell yeah at the overpriced bit. No kidding.<\/em><\/p>\n

I don’t really want to because I don’t like the costs, I would go in a heartbeat if I got a full scholarship.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0feel a bit scammed, lol.<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s the ultimate scam.\u00a0Academia is even a better scam than banking.\u00a0Banking we have started to unravel.\u00a0Academia we take for granted.\u00a0Healthcare probably comes close behind…<\/p>\n

It’s probably an unintended scam, though.\u00a0One that just developed on its own due to different social and cultural and economic forces and now becomes ingrained in our thinking.<\/em><\/p>\n

There’s no central planner underlying it, just a vast collective of individuals looking out for their own interests. That’s the greatest conspiracy theory of all, isn’t it? There’s no villain. All of us are the villain collectively. The conspiracy is that there’s no conspiracy. We just always need someone to blame.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0wouldn’t call us the villain…<\/em><\/p>\n

Dum dum dum!!!!\u00a0Not us as individuals.\u00a0Rather, the systems that emerge from our imperfections.<\/p>\n

It’s just something that has grown and evolved to another dimension that our perception has not caught up to it yet, almost like a visual trick.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yes. I\u00a0like this thought experiment where you think of our institutions as separate life forms.<\/p>\n

i’m troubled though, by the lack of a systematic alternative.<\/em><\/p>\n

Imagine businesses are living things- it’s not hard to do.\u00a0Then think about the fact that businesses fail about a hundred times more than human beings do- so through variation and selection, they evolve much quicker.<\/p>\n

So if businesses were living entities- it’s not hard to imagine that they’re more highly evolved than us- businesses have learnt to exploit human weaknesses more effectively than humans have learnt to defend themselves against businesses.<\/p>\n

So we are all the pets, servants and slaves of big business, which is theoretically the more evolved life form.<\/p>\n

You could also apply the same principle of failure and evolution to the personal level. of course that’s intuitive in PRINCIPLE, but in practice there’s a lot of further hangups<\/em>
\n egos and fears, for instance.\u00a0A<\/em>nd self delusion lol GUILTY as fuck.<\/p>\n

That’s what philosophers try to deal with.\u00a0Nietzsche and others.\u00a0Man as a bridge between animal and ubermensch.<\/p>\n

What are your plans, though? are you still going to take uni as a default?\u00a0and figure shit out from there?<\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway as for University, I’m thinking of approaching it the same way I do church and clubbing. Figure out the individual constituents that matter take every single element of a university education that is valuable and find a superior substitute at lower cost and put it together as part of a cohesive whole. And maybe document the process, write a book\/blog and use it as leverage, a selling point.<\/p>\n

I won’t get a government job that way but that’s not what I’m interested in, anyway.
\nI’m working with the assumption that there are people in the private sector who are mature and intelligent enough to recognize value when they see it. Even so I plan to work WITH others, not FOR them, and ultimately I plan to work for myself, so that’s a risk I can comfortably take.<\/p>\n

So\u00a0for example- if you talk about a community of intellects, I’ve built that from scratch with (n_n)\/.\u00a0So I don’t need that.\u00a0So I’m looking to find the other substitutes.\u00a0A\u00a0curriculum, for instance.\u00a0Mentor figures.<\/p>\n

What do you mean?\u00a0Do you mean you want to systematize the process?\u00a0Like a kind of self-help system?\u00a0You do realize that such a system will always evolve, right?\u00a0Am I\u00a0still getting through?<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, by systemize I simply mean to put together various components into a cohesive self-enriching whole.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0liked what you said about businesses, though\u00a0<\/em>is there any way around it?\u00a0<\/em>I\u00a0mean, businesses will ALWAYS evolve faster than individuals, right?\u00a0<\/em>And I\u00a0don’t think they necessarily exploit human ‘weakness’…\u00a0I don’t think you’re wrong, but there’s something very binary about that.\u00a0Even though its true on many levels.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u00a0just finished my signal course, now I’ve got 18 weeks of stay-out life before I ord- during that time I plan to initiate (already have, actually) a series of projects of various sorts that I will integrate into a greater whole.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0see. It’s kind of fascinating, what you’re doing.\u00a0At the same time,\u00a0there’s a certain boldness that intimidates and makes one doubt. but i believe it’s my own doubts speaking, rather than any realistic perception.<\/em><\/p>\n

By weakness I mean things like impulses- the 7 sins, for instance- impulses to avoid fear, to conquer, to consume, to acquire, to covet.\u00a0Fashion and the media have got it all figured out, how to tweak us like buttons. Video games, too.\u00a0But I don’t think it’s hopeless, I think we can outwit them through constant vigilance, conversation, introspection, reflection.<\/p>\n

Yes,\u00a0that’s a possibility.<\/em><\/p>\n

And I’ve been describing it as a zero-sum battle for the sake of narrative elegance- but really, life is not a I-win-you-lose fight. We can expand the pie, everyone can win.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0don’t think I\u00a0have the strength, the vision or the willpower to do what you aim to do and that makes me subconsciously resent anyone who tries to claim to be able to do so.<\/em><\/p>\n

Hahaha! I’m not sure if I do either, but I don’t really see any other way.<\/p>\n

This i confess freely lol. But not anymore, I’m trying to weed out such blind spots.\u00a0because they make me behave like a petulant child, lol.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0appreciate your honesty and candour. Someone’s gotta do it lah, right?\u00a0Someone’s got to be naive enough to say, “I want to be the next Steve Jobs, Richard Branson.”<\/p>\n

Yeah, I\u00a0suppose.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

And you know, looking around, I don’t see that person. So statistically… I think it’s going to be me. At least, I have a probablistic advantage in the sense that I dare to believe it’s possible. the moment you think it’s not possible, you’re out of the game.<\/p>\n

Funny huh, because for an atheist and rational logical person- I’m working entirely based on raw faith here. But the way I\u00a0see it, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in a world of uncertainty. When all the options are equally absurd, I pick the one that promises the greatest glory.<\/p>\n

There’s an element of faith in reason, that it matters at all, and an element of reason in faith, because you can’t move forward if you’re only going to work with what you have. Someone has to dare to try and fail. I\u00a0look around and I see intelligent people refusing to budge, and ignorant idiots chionging ahead with no idea what they’re doing… And you know what’s especially frustrating- sometimes a small percentage of those ignorant idiots actually make it, through sheer luck and trial and error. The random goblock who asks a hundred hot girls to sleep with him will eventually nail one, while the intelligent, thoughtful, mature and likeable fella who never approaches anyone will make sweet love to his left hand all year.<\/p>\n

One of the projects I plan to initiate is to help work with such doubtful people and provoke and compel them to take chances. But to do that first I have to be successful. so it’s no longer just about me- I have to be successful for the sake of every other sad doubtful motherfucker who deserves to be successful more than the cocksure bastards who rule our world.<\/p>\n

Hahahaha\u00a0you’re like a\u00a0Bodhisattva.\u00a0Appreciate the thought.\u00a0VISA IS DOING THIS SO I NO LONGER HAVE TO MASTERBATES! Hahaha. No sarcasm.<\/em><\/p>\n

Hahahaha! Nah, I’m just another ignorant cockup motherfuck like the rest of us. Just that I figure the loop we stick ourselves in ain’t doing us any good.<\/p>\n

Yeah.<\/em><\/p>\n

You know, after all that philosophizing, i found wisdom in an economist interpreting biology.\u00a0Natural selection.\u00a0Everything in the world that is of value- computers, world views, whatever- exists because of variation and selection.\u00a0Airplanes, political systems, romantic relationships.\u00a0Things that are really good- go through a lot more variation and selection.\u00a0Things that are pretty fucked up- usually stagnate.\u00a0So really, that’s the most fundamental wisdom there is, it’s at the root of life, and the universe-\u00a0vary and select
\nproblem is- we don’t often acknowledge failures\u00a0and even if we do, we’re scared to try something different.\u00a0We’d rather have a low failure rate than a high failure rate with an overwhelming success that makes all the difference.<\/p>\n

There’s something about failure,\u00a0on a very personal level,\u00a0that frightens me. It’s not a kind of intellectual ‘oh this would make me look bad durrr’ kind of fear.\u00a0It’s almost… primal.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yeah, our caveman minds are conditioned to be terrified of it.\u00a0Because failure 10,000 years ago was unforgivable.\u00a0If you approached the wrong girl then,\u00a0you would be clubbed to death by her menfolk. Failure was not survivable then.<\/p>\n

So we just…\u00a0punch through our fears?<\/em><\/p>\n

Need to recondition ourselves, that’s all. It’s far simpler than we dare to believe.\u00a0It’s a matter of literal conditioning. Like really really LITERAL conditioning. So literal that us intellectual types refuse to believe it. It’s not a matter of reading about it. It’s about standing up with your head high and screaming that you don’t give a fuck and that you’re going to do it even if you fail. And for the longest time I didn’t take that step because it seemed… juvenile.<\/p>\n

In what areas of your life have you taken that step?\u00a0I\u00a0understand the principle.<\/em><\/p>\n

My romantic relationship with my girlfriend,\u00a0my first band,\u00a0(n_n)\/,\u00a0my blog…
\nActually, everything that I’ve accomplished that I’m proud of.\u00a0Saying, “This doesn’t really seem rational or makes much sense but fuck it I don’t care I’m going to make it happen.”<\/p>\n

It makes sense\u00a0to me.<\/em><\/p>\n

And you know, I’m a smoker,\u00a0and I\u00a0realize…\u00a0you don’t become a smoker from smoking one or two cigarettes,\u00a0or even a pack at one go.\u00a0You become a smoker from smoking 3-5 cigarettes a day for weeks on end.\u00a0So you know that fired up feeling you get from your motivational empowering material?\u00a0You can’t just read them one-off.\u00a0You have to have a regular daily dosage.\u00a0Every fucking day.\u00a0Start and end the day with them.\u00a0Ii don’t yet do this, but I do it far more frequently than before.)<\/p>\n

Something like getting in the right headspace?<\/em><\/p>\n

Watch the same fucking video until you’ve internalized the entire thing and it speaks to you when you’re stoning doing nothing. Watch this once<\/a> and you’ll be like “Fuck yeah!”\u00a0and tomorrow you’ll be back to yourself.\u00a0But watch it every single day (I don’t lah) and\u00a0eventually it’ll stick with you,\u00a0and it’ll influence your decision-making when you need it to most.<\/p>\n

It seems SO CHEESY,\u00a0I\u00a0know.\u00a0But really it’s just about that sort of immersion.
\nThat’s how you learn anything- languages, music, smoking, whatever.\u00a0And I realize- ultimately the difference between success and failure is SO MINUTE!\u00a0It’s just that last guy that sticks around one last more time, one more minute, etc<\/p>\n

What would actually make you happy on a day to day basis? Or, if i frame it another way… what, in your mind, is holding you back from being unstoppably happy?<\/em><\/p>\n

Actually I am pretty unstoppably happy, lol.<\/p>\n

Any tips? I’m getting better, but any advice would be appreciated.<\/em><\/p>\n

Immersion. Spam like fuck. It’s as simple as that.\u00a0If you’re intelligent and have self-doubt, you already have what it takes to sieve out the bullshit.<\/p>\n

Spam motivational stuff? I’m worried of losing my bearings on reality,\u00a0in a bizarre way.\u00a0Like i might headfuck myself.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yep, that’s what stops us all.\u00a0In a way that’s what stops me from quitting smoking too.
\nWhat if I cease to be myself when I do?<\/p>\n

There are times when i’ve delved into belief systems for some holy grail and I’ve had my head so deep in my own ass it wasn’t even funny.<\/em><\/p>\n

But we are ourselves 24\/7, whatever we do.\u00a0There is no holy grail.\u00a0Allow your doubts the room to show up, and\u00a0surround yourself with awesome people you respect and admire.\u00a0People who’ll keep you in check when you go overboard.<\/p>\n

[… we talk some personal stuff, then get to talking about (n_n)\/, a group I created on Facebook]<\/em><\/p>\n

I don’t claim credit for it.\u00a0I mean, a bit lah.\u00a0But the idea isn’t mine.\u00a0People have done it before- the bloomsbury group, the mastermind group, whatever.\u00a0Nassim Taleb pointed it out.\u00a0So did Plato.\u00a0But this group did not exist\u00a0until i willed it to be so.\u00a0So I figure that’s what my role’s gonna be.\u00a0I’m going to be a creator.<\/p>\n

Why the symbol for that emote?<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh, I couldn’t come up with a non-pretentious name.\u00a0So I figured a symbol can’t be misinterpreted.\u00a0You can call it “nn” for short, I guess.\u00a0Sometimes people from the group meet each other on the streets or in school or something and they identify each other by physically embodying the gesture, it’s cute.<\/p>\n

[… we talk about our friends…]<\/p>\n

Do you know the feeling when you do something and you know you NEED to fail but you don’t want to, but you know on some level that you need to, and you will grow? It’s like you need to get hurt by people, by failure.<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u00a0felt that a lot as a musician.\u00a0Wanted to play big shows, wasn’t ready, went for the auditions anyway, kena embarrassed\/fucked big time.\u00a0But on hindsight, we learnt a lot, and the embarrassment is negligible.<\/p>\n

Yeah.. I\u00a0feel that a lot these days. The solution is just to do it, right?<\/em><\/p>\n

Yep, fuck care only! Anybody give you shit for it, say hey, i’m trying, i’m learning, give me time. Nobody is born awesome.<\/p>\n

Shit.\u00a0People i’ve always thought were dumb are right! (Semi-kidding.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Well the real dumb people don’t learn from their failures. They go out and they fail, and they do the same shit.<\/p>\n

I\u00a0used to disdain, ‘just do it’ \u00a0kind of statements.<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s actually “Just do it, then record your findings, and then try something different.” If just do it, fail, and do the same thing again-\u00a0that’s what sucks.<\/p>\n

[…]<\/p>\n

Which university are you going to?<\/em><\/p>\n

Haven’t applied.\u00a0Maybe apply for stuff like NTU english to appease parents. But seriously considering not going at all.\u00a0I got BBS BBA, S for h2 maths and A for GP.\u00a0Got turned down by FASS (and am no longer interested in it anyway).<\/p>\n

What do you intend to do after you ORD\u00a0then? I hate to sound like a parent, but I’m genuinely interested to know what you have in mind.<\/em><\/p>\n

Think i’d want to study something slightly divergent- design, or systems management. I have a general idea of what I want, and I’m going to run a series of projects and allow them to succeed or fail accordingly.<\/p>\n

Some ideas I have are:<\/p>\n