![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/26.media.tumblr.com\/tumblr_lix499nLLP1qb2q89o1_500.jpg?resize=300%2C318\")
<\/p>\nI smoked a cigarette today.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Here’s what I’m not<\/em> going to do:<\/p>\n I’m not going to deceive anybody, especially myself.<\/strong> “Nobody needs to know,” I would’ve reasoned before. I could just quietly pretend that today was just like any of the previous 14 days where I hadn’t smoked a single puff. But I’m not going to do that. I decided firmly and irrevocably that I’m going to grow as a person, and I think a large part of that growth involves openly confronting these little failures and shortcomings. I could hide the truth, but an honest analysis of my past has revealed to me time and time again that hiding the truth is a great source of anxiety, guilt and stress. That’s not who I want to be.<\/p>\n What am I going to focus on? <\/strong>I could focus on the fact that I slipped up and failed, or that I’m not as amazing as I wish I was, or that I made a mistake. Instead, I’m going to focus on moving forward. I’m going to continue without smoking. I’m going to focus on how it feels to acknowledge that I’m not perfect.<\/p>\n What does that mean? <\/strong>It means that I’m not going to give up. It means that I’m going to dust myself off and keep going. It means that I’m going to be better off for this, rather than beat myself up or be upset.<\/p>\n Am I disappointed in myself<\/strong>? For a while I was, but now I am not. I did what I did, and I am going to keep moving forward. I’m still going to continue with “Smoke Free Day 16” tomorrow- my goal was to go 30 days without smoking, and I feel that 1 cigarette in 30 days is still a valid improvement from roughly 250 cigarettes in the previous 30 days. I will, of course, mention this in my final analysis at the end of it all.<\/p>\n I will hold my head high and surge forward with undiminished vigour.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n \u201cEver tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.\u201d \u201cCourage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.\u201d \u201cThe possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.\u201d I smoked a cigarette today. Here’s what I’m not going to do: I’m not going to deceive anybody, especially myself. “Nobody needs to know,” I would’ve reasoned before. I could just quietly pretend that today was just like any of the previous 14 days where I hadn’t smoked a single… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[23],"tags":[725,101],"class_list":["post-2067","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-reflections","tag-bmod","tag-cigarette"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-xl","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2067","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2067"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2067\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9927,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2067\/revisions\/9927"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2067"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2067"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2067"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}I’m not going to let this define me or get me down. <\/strong>“Well that’s that,” I would’ve thought before. “I’m a smoker, and I can’t help it- this is who I am, I’m weak, pathetic, helpless and completely at the mercy of forces beyond my control.” No. I slipped up a little bit and didn’t get a perfect score. That is fine. It happens. Everybody makes mistakes, even the most incredible, wonderful and seemingly perfect amongst us. It’s how they handle it that sets them apart. I’m not going to go out and buy a pack of cigarettes. I’m not going to split the world into “smokers” and “non-smokers” or “strong-willed” and “weak-willed” or any of those things. We are all infinitely complex. <\/p>\n
\nSamuel Beckett<\/p>\n
\nWinston Churchill<\/p>\n
\nGeorge Bernard Shaw<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"