{"id":14566,"date":"2019-06-19T10:50:00","date_gmt":"2019-06-19T10:50:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/?p=14566"},"modified":"2025-02-24T10:59:12","modified_gmt":"2025-02-24T10:59:12","slug":"bleak","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2019\/06\/19\/bleak\/","title":{"rendered":"bleak"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Revisiting this I realize I want to make sure all of this is in FAN2.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

(thread<\/a>) There\u2019s a recurring moment in multiple conversations I have had with childhood friends (90s kids) that\u2019s quite bleak. They\u2019re 29-30 and realising they\u2019ve been holding on to vague scripts. not done much self-authorship. These are smart people who feel trapped but avoid facing it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The bleak\/sad thing is they aren\u2019t technically trapped. Or rather, they could free themselves if they devote themselves to it over the next 10 years or so. But I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices that many of them don\u2019t want to do that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have met multiple people who\u2019ve said they want families, but haven\u2019t met anybody yet, don\u2019t know how or where they\u2019re going to find anyone, and it\u2019s like \u201chaha guess I\u2019ll die alone\u201d. I try to be hypersensitive to what people want+need to hear in response to that. It\u2019s a mess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My sense is: the trapped feeling is real, but the feeling is actually caused by a set of expectations and assumptions people have, that they haven\u2019t thoroughly examined, that they\u2019re yet unwilling to let go of. It\u2019s an exquisite sort of self-torture & peers enable each other, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s kind of like meeting people who are in early-ish stages of a drug addiction, alcoholism, an abusive relationship, etc – and you try to point it out to them, and it turns out they actually already know. And they know it\u2019s going to get worse and it might not get better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel like maybe I got lucky & had my version of this crisis really early on, when I was ~17. Maybe talking through that experience might be helpful to somebody. It can maybe be boiled down to: \u201chow do you not accidentally end up being miserable at the end of your life?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ll queue up some threads that I think capture my personal thinking and learning on my personal journey through this. Caveat of course being that this is just my POV:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. unpaid work thread<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. unfuck your life<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Conversation with wife: an existential crisis is really a sort of expectation crisis- it\u2019s the horror of falling from the height of your expectations, down to the reality you actually already inhabit. It\u2019s interesting to consider that staying up takes more effort than coming down. What is true is already so.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  4. How do I build more intimate relationships with people?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  5. wifelaughing<\/a>: nobody is gonna upset, disappoint, annoy and frustrate you more than your spouse<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  6. taste FAQs<\/a> <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  7. everyone loves to make a great introduction<\/a> <\/li>\n\n\n\n
  8. why compete when you can collaborate?<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  9. top 10 things I’ve had to unlearn<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  10. vvmemex<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  11. project management<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  12. low res models<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  13. on ass-kickings<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  14. take note<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  15. don’t feel qualified to lead<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  16. alan watts 2015<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  17. therapeutic DIY IFS<\/a> \u2013 this contains multiple subthreads<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  18. empty your cup<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  19. tactical stfu<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  20. ugh fields<\/a><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  21. art of the reply<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Revisiting this I realize I want to make sure all of this is in FAN2. (thread) There\u2019s a recurring moment in multiple conversations I have had with childhood friends (90s kids) that\u2019s quite bleak. They\u2019re 29-30 and realising they\u2019ve been holding on to vague scripts. not done much self-authorship. These… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[774],"class_list":["post-14566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-fan"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s5gxNz-bleak","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14566"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14566\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14567,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14566\/revisions\/14567"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}