{"id":14491,"date":"2024-11-05T09:53:23","date_gmt":"2024-11-05T09:53:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/?p=14491"},"modified":"2024-12-21T09:53:44","modified_gmt":"2024-12-21T09:53:44","slug":"finding-the-right-angles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2024\/11\/05\/finding-the-right-angles\/","title":{"rendered":"finding the right angles"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019m a good conversationalist. But I wouldn\u2019t say I\u2019m a natural at it. It\u2019s something that I actively set out to get better at throughout my teens and twenties. I wouldn\u2019t say I\u2019m a master at it; there\u2019s still a lot I have to learn. But I\u2019m comfortable saying that I\u2019m pretty good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are many things that can set you up to have better conversations. Knowing the other person well goes a long way, which is why good interviewers do their prep beforehand. It enables them to ask good questions. Knowing how to ask a good question is itself a valuable skill, and this requires having a sensitivity to what is interesting. You don\u2019t really want to ask mundane \u2018frequently asked\u2019 questions, but you don\u2019t necessarily want to ask overly profound or complex questions right away either, if your conversation partner isn\u2019t sufficiently warmed up yet. (There are exceptions to all of these \u2018rules\u2019 depending on the context. Variables like your own reputation, and the expectations your partner brings to the conversation, can allow you to do things very differently and well.) There\u2019s a sweet spot\u2013 a \u2018question-space\u2019 that we could describe as \u201cmoderately surprising, moderately detailed, moderately in-depth\u201d. These are welcoming invitations that entice the other person to go deeper.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ideally, broadly speaking, you wanna spend as much time as possible in this space. In this space, both parties can feel a sense of freedom, like they\u2019re exploring and discovering together. You\u2019ll notice in really great interviews that the interviewee is challenged to think and feel and remember and figure things out in the moment, but they enjoy it rather than feel annoyed or attacked, because they sense that the interviewer is \u2018on their side\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Everything I\u2019ve said so far is just preamble to what I really want to be talking about. I had the realization recently\u2013 from some of my essays like a matryoshka of possibilities<\/em><\/a>(look for interesting trapdoors)and straight outta tartarus<\/em><\/a>(search for inner sanctums), that the breakthrough I\u2019ve been looking for in my writing was something I had already actually understood about conversations years ago:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"\/<\/a>
(source tweet<\/a>)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Re-read the above tweets and transpose them to the process of writing: the most powerful writing skill isn\u2019t asking good questions nearly as much as asking good followup questions\u2026 this is the script of no script, the formula of no formula, you just pay really close attention to your writing in a curious, non-judgemental way without the burden of expectations, and look for anything surprising or interesting \u2013 and ask about that in a supportive way.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s just so funny to me that I had this clear theory of good conversation, honed from years of practice, but I kinda lacked an equivalent clear theory of good writing\u2026 when essentially they\u2019re the same thing. Of course, there\u2019s a ton of nuance to get into on both counts. As I write all of this out, it weighs on me that I haven\u2019t written about this in the most elegant way I theoretically could. That would take some tinkering and rework, which I don\u2019t quite have the time and energy for these days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m a good conversationalist. But I wouldn\u2019t say I\u2019m a natural at it. It\u2019s something that I actively set out to get better at throughout my teens and twenties. I wouldn\u2019t say I\u2019m a master at it; there\u2019s still a lot I have to learn. But I\u2019m comfortable saying that… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14491","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-3LJ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14491","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14491"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14491\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14492,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14491\/revisions\/14492"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14491"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14491"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14491"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}