this thread<\/a> earlier about how difficult it can be for women to stand up to men. I think I even relate a little bit via the minority race. I thanked the author for writing and sharing it, sincerely<\/p>\n\n\n\n*via the minority race experience – something about peer acceptance, agreeableness, yadda yadda<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Idk I\u2019m really in two or more minds about this. It\u2019s hard to say anything assertively because the opposite thing is also true in some circumstance. But not \u201cevenly opposite\u201d. There are differences of proportion and intensity and it\u2019s hard to map out, even with good intentions<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a man I know how to use \u201cwomen\u2019s language\u201d to create sympathy for me and my struggles in a way that actually elevates me, makes me look good, earns me status, etc etc. This is not a skill that most men possess, for a bunch of plausible reasons<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The optics of gender relations is such that a man talking publicly abt how a woman may have manipulated him will almost always look bad, except maybe in really extreme circumstances. He will look weak, & weakness is despised in men unless it\u2019s part of a redemption narrative arc<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m thinking of a reply my wife got from some anon guy – a longtime follower of mine, decent dude afaik- who said that his mom despised men\/boys and it created self-loathing in him and that phrases like \u201cmen are trash\u201d make him feel shitty to the point of despair<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My instinctive feeling- I didn\u2019t act on it- was to say something like, \u201ctough titties, dude. I\u2019m truly sorry but nobody gives a fuck about guys in this position and you cannot cry your way out of this one. you\u2019re too low status to pull that off\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s true that high status dudes basically get away with everything. 1% high status man tears might be as powerful as maybe 70% of women\u2019s tears. But then like 80% of male tears rank lower than 70% of women\u2019s. Something like that<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s interesting that low status dudes haven\u2019t unionised to take out high status dudes. I suppose it\u2019s similar to poor unionizing to eat the rich. Coordination is hard. If you were that high agency you might as well just become high status<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think it is good and healthy for men to cry but you kind of have to \u201cearn the right\u201d. This is my assessment of social reality based on what I\u2019ve seen<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I mean like, publicly, or amongst friends or whatever. If a man cries too much too often without having some corresponding value, my sense is that he will get written off or otherwise quietly shed, or otherwise resented & despised. I think TRP is right about this particular thing<\/p>\n\n\n\n
People who acquire status through underhand or imperfect means will often perform the \u201cman, status isn\u2019t what I assumed it would be\u201d atonement song. I think they are telling the truth. But also I think it still beats out the agony of being a low-status misfit<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I honestly feel like I would like to live in a world where status didn\u2019t matter and we could all just be friendly nerds, live laugh love freely etc etc bla bla But since that fantasy world does not exist, it is broadly better to have status than not<\/p>\n\n\n\n
like money, status is something you can afford to not care about once you have enough to spare. I say this as the blasphemous son of a low caste man who would\u2019ve been murdered in India for marrying outside what was socially prescribed for him<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think being a man and being a woman are both very difficult in their own ways. My wife is my best friend of almost 20 years and there are parts of our respective struggles that are opaque to the other person<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lol I just remembered that this acct has GirlVisa avi. Somehow didn\u2019t register the whole time I was tweeting<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think the current mainstream discourse is such that saying \u201cbeing a woman is hard\u201d will get broad acceptance\/support + blowback from low-status men, while saying \u201cbeing a man is hard\u201d will get some support from low-status men which isn\u2019t worth very much unless you doing a grift<\/p>\n\n\n\n
part of the woman\u2019s struggle is that there will be dismissal from high status men who don\u2019t have to post dumb replies on twitter – they use the tools at their disposal instead. That\u2019s the thing about utterances vs power<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBeing a man is hard\u201d *can* be said if you do it skillfully, and if you\u2019re skillful you will win support from wider audiences. For all of his humorlessness, Jordan Peterson certainly struck a chord here and won over mid-tier dudes<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A thing I think I haven\u2019t said is that societally it does seem to me that many, many women do still think of men as \u201cabove\u201d them in some vague sort of social pecking order, in a revealed preference sort of sense, though it\u2019s also a \u201cyou walk in front and get shot thx\u201d sense<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here you gotta think about your model of status and power and so on. Kings vs kingmakers. Why be the king when you can be the person behind the curtain pulling the strings? You miss out on superficial glory but you still can get most of what you want + sleep more soundly at night<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To get grandiose and archetypal, historically men have allegedly feared women for their \u201cincomprehensible\u201d communication styles and illegible social orders, and also disproportionately blamed them for everything. Witches and their silver tongues ruining everything. Although,<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Men bitch and gossip all the time too in their own ways. They too spread lies and leak nudes. How did dudes pull off this massive heist in plain sight, calling women \u201cemotional\u201d while being angry, jealous, vindictive, etc etc?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like, how did \u201cdumb as rocks\u201d boys pull that shit off? That\u2019s the funny thing about gender relations – because of the yin\/yang dynamic, when you insult the other, you insult yourself. This happens to both men and women<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have always been sorely tempted to reply to whiny manosphere types with \u201cbro why u bitching about women, u the real bitch here, bitch ass little girl crying about his feelings\u201d I kno I kno it perpetuates the problem but still. lol<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It does seem to me that most women I talk to IRL want a man who is confident, calm, relaxed, strong, to take the lead, be sensitive, make decisions… it\u2019s not exaaactly an equal partnership. Women do want a daddy the way men want a mommy<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Like in a sense I think they\u2019d even say \u201cI want my man to be better than me\u201d, which includes knowing better than to gloat about being better. better + humble. But better! Of course there\u2019s variations in the details<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m realizing, men don\u2019t talk to me as much about what they\u2019re looking for in a partner. Women talk to me about men all the time. Kind of an odd position for me to inhabit<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Yeah this is a good point that I haven\u2019t quite articulated in this thread and it\u2019s another thing that TRP is annoyingly right about. There *has* been an emasculation of men and it hurts everyone. Guys have gotten more indecisive<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cA sensitive man who\u2019s decisive but not a fascist. Is that too much to ask\u201d – like 80% of my single lady friends probably some of them would probably say fuck it I\u2019ll fuck the fascist is he cute the world is burning<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I don\u2019t know how to artfully say on main that I am very good with women relative to most men. I possess some very valuable information\/insight but I don\u2019t know it as precisely well as I know other things bc I haven\u2019t workshopped it publicly as much<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I also don\u2019t want to be some kind of dating coach or whatever I think that\u2019s iffy. I\u2019ll probably workshop tweets here and then make the occasional YouTube video<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I will say that the best advice I have for dudes to be better with women is to watch a bunch of movies and read a bunch of books and blogposts etc written by women. You can\u2019t reduce it to a bunch of hacks or whatever. It\u2019s learning a different language<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I wanna try tweeting like my most straightforward honest feelings about gender stuff; my thinking itself seems to be convoluted for social obscurity purposes I saw this thread earlier about how difficult it can be for women to stand up to men. I think I even relate a little bit… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[733],"class_list":["post-13967","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-twitter-thread"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-3Dh","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13967","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13967"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13967\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13968,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13967\/revisions\/13968"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13967"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13967"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13967"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}