{"id":13791,"date":"2023-05-30T18:02:05","date_gmt":"2023-05-30T18:02:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/?p=13791"},"modified":"2024-12-26T11:22:59","modified_gmt":"2024-12-26T11:22:59","slug":"motor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2023\/05\/30\/motor\/","title":{"rendered":"get your motor runnin’"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Get your motor runnin’
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way

Yeah, darlin’ gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Born To Be Wild, Steppenwolf (1968)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get your motor running. How? Reinhabit what got your motor running in the past. Look around at stuff you like. Relevant Nietzche quote here. Figure out your throughline, the line of action that runs through you through the things you care about and further outwards and there will be clues about what you oughta make, wanna make.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Creative motors run almost by default. The same way your heart beats, and the way you breathe without having to think about it- though can consciously choose to inhabit the breath. You\u2019re probably noticing your breath now. That\u2019s a rather magical thing, that you can drop into awareness of something that you might not have been attending to a second ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Children tend to know what they want. You seldom see children who are creatively blocked, unless they\u2019ve been unfortunate enough to have gotten feedback from their environment that being creative is somehow dangerous or wrong, displeasing to adults and authority, or their peers. A lot of what we think of as socialization is sadly about negative reinforcement: what you\u2019re not supposed to do. Don\u2019t behave like that, don\u2019t act like that, don\u2019t touch that, that\u2019s wrong, improper, nasty, disgusting. Some of it is quite important. A lot of it is nonsense. It\u2019s hard to tell the difference <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Civilization can be thought of as iterated potty training<\/p>\n\n\n\n

People don\u2019t actually stop being creative. If we\u2019re not creative in making things, we\u2019re creative in making excuses. We\u2019re creative in our inhibitions. We find all sorts of ways to explain why we can\u2019t do something, why something isn\u2019t possible, why something is bad and wrong. And we could be right about those things! And there\u2019s a seductive pleasure in being right about things. (Notes from Underground?)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So it\u2019s funny. Get your motor running is a way of saying \u201cget creating\u201d. But we are always creating. There is a sort of shadow motor that runs on fear that inhabits the motor that runs on love. Ideally these two are balanced. But a lot of people are out of balance. My suspicion is that it\u2019s because fear is easier and cheaper to mass produce. I think I want to explore that in some future essays<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Motor running\u2026 long games. You know them by the roar of their engines. Remaining a public figure is a choice, because people decay out of it. You find out who is serious by who sticks around. And sure not everyone who is serious is *able* to stick around, <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s something funny and humbling about how, even after about two decades of writing, I don\u2019t really have a lot of clarity about my own creative process. I take solace in the fact that someone like Meryl Streep has said \u201cI\u2019m so inscrutable to myself<\/a>\u201d about her own process. Which isn\u2019t to say that I think I possess Streep-level talent, but rather that I\u2019m relieved to learn that one can<\/em> possess Streep-level talent and still be a mystery to oneself. And I\u2019d like to think that some mystery keeps things exciting, compelling, interesting. Wouldn\u2019t it be boring if creativity were a completely mechanical, predictable, \u201csolved\u201d process? There\u2019s something about transcending the bandwidth limitations of communication to convey something profoundly universal. I\u2019m not going to argue for<\/em> ignorance, I think it can be good to learn as much as we can, but it\u2019s important to not get swept up in the pretense<\/em> of knowledge. Real humility is having the honesty to know what we know and feel what we feel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I also find myself thinking about a conversation between Jerry Seinfeld and Dave Chappelle<\/a>, where Dave is talking about how it\u2019s the idea that drives the car:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Dave: \u201cLike, if I had an idea, it\u2019s the driver. It\u2019s like, \u201cGet in the car!\u201d – I\u2019m like, \u201cWhere am I goin\u2019?\u201d – the idea says, \u201cI dunno! Don\u2019t worry, I\u2019m drivin\u2019\u2026\u201d and ya just get there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerry: The idea\u2019s driving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave: Sometimes I\u2019m shotgun, sometimes I\u2019m in the fucking trunk, but the idea takes you where it wants to go. And then other times, there\u2019s me, my ego. and I go, \u201cI should do something.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerry: I should be driving!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave: Yeah\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerry: \u2026and that\u2019s not good\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave: \u2026because there\u2019s no idea in the car! It\u2019s just me. That formula doesn\u2019t work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerry: If the idea\u2019s in the front of the car, honking, Let\u2019s go! Pulls up in front of your house going, \u2018Let\u2019s go!\u2019 [That\u2019s how it works].<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave: That\u2019s exactly right.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerry: You\u2019re in your pajamas,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave: \u201cI\u2019m not ready,\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jerry: \u201cI\u2019m not ready!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dave: \u201cYou can go like this.\u201d \u201cWhere are we going?\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t worry about it, you\u2019ll see!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I laugh again with recognition upon rewatching it. So many times that I\u2019ve written something good, I hardly feel like I was there at all. I felt like a witness. I was shotgun or in the trunk. And every time I put myself in the driver\u2019s seat, it doesn\u2019t work. I have hundreds of pages of drafts, dozens and dozens of drafts, all of which have me in the driver\u2019s seat. It doesn\u2019t work. I have to let the idea drive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

tbc<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

felt sense of freedom 2023jul21 I wanted to write a substack post at some point with this prompt but I got tired. wanted to remind myself to include this picture. might revisit it at some point<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

we’ll see<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know I have a draft of this… let’s check…. here, 2023jul05<\/p>\n\n\n\n

freedom is such a funny thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

what does it mean to be free? i don\u2019t really want to be talking about abstract philosophy, though there\u2019s a strong chance that we\u2019ll end up in that territory. But what I mean is that I want to begin with feelings, with an internal sense, bodily awareness\u2026 laying all of that out too will be a bit tedious so lets just tell some stories<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the question to begin with is, when have you felt the most free? a few things come to mind. one was the last day of military service. another was the last day of junior college. I have such distinct memories of those days, which i will get back to in a second after listing out other things<\/p>\n\n\n\n

school holidays felt fairly good<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember it was a big deal to me when I was in secondary school and in junior college to find ways to express myself and my identity. having a pierced ear was one thing. Boys aren\u2019t allowed to wear earrings in public school in Singapore, so I would keep a stud in my wallet and put it on after school hours. There were regulations around socks and shoes too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You technically weren\u2019t supposed to have facial hair, but I kept some anyway. There weren\u2019t really any particular rules about what you wore inside your shirt, so I\u2019d try to look for cool things that could peep out. Shoes had to be something like 70% white.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731<\/p>\n\n\n\n