{"id":13690,"date":"2023-05-08T18:04:50","date_gmt":"2023-05-08T18:04:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/?p=13690"},"modified":"2023-05-08T18:14:34","modified_gmt":"2023-05-08T18:14:34","slug":"drafts-aug2022-may2023","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2023\/05\/08\/drafts-aug2022-may2023\/","title":{"rendered":"drafts aug2022-may2023"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

drafts<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

from time to time people ask me something like “what have you changed your mind the most on” and it’s like… i never held on strongly to things that i wasn’t sure about, so it didn’t really have to change all that much, the picture just got clearer<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cthis strikes me as one of those scenarios where the coping mechanism worsens the situation\u201d \u2013 me to \u201cyour husband X\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

laziness: <\/strong>sometimes when going through my notes i find something that had so much effort put into it by a past version of myself that i am moved to the threshold of tears. my default narrative of myself is that i’m kinda lazy but that’s absolutely untrue. I work very, very, very hard and I don’t appreciate myself enough for that<\/p>\n\n\n\n

everything i think i know about stress: <\/strong>big bioscience medical conspiracy theory. There must be so many books about this. Nonetheless I insist on blundering forward in my ignorance. Once I\u2019ve written out everything I think I know, I can then get schooled in all the ways I am wrong. : https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1513442329184538624<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

plaintext literacy: <\/strong> If I can\u2019t tell what you mean, nobody else can. And you\u2019re going to receive every possible interpretation. the funny thing about \u2018implications\u2019 is that some people will get mad at you about their interpretation of what you said, which could be the furthest thing from what you had in mind when you said what you said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

aggressive hypertexting \u2013 <\/strong>reworking hyperthread post. should desire paths also be a part of this, or separate? feels like it should be separate<\/p>\n\n\n\n

try and summarise FAN and introspect.<\/strong> think backwards about what is most important. how do you help people. what has unblocked people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

focus: attention direction \/ attention sovereignty<\/strong> is the source of everything. and funnily enough attention misdirection is misunderstood, i think kind of on purpose. I believe in thinking things through from scratch and using different vocabulary. \/\/ you may have to spend a decade begging people to not do things that are bad before you learn that negative reinforcement hardly ever works except maybe if you have really punitive consequences and you need to teach people to focus on what they want to see more of. \/\/ I\u2019ve approximated several versions of this mantra since I first started writing as a kid. My favorite version of it is a little longer than the title \u2013 \u201cfocus your time and energy<\/em> on what you want to see more of\u201d. It\u2019s primarily meant as a reminder to myself. Occasionally I bring it up with someone who I think is receptive to the idea, and to being reminded of it. \/\/ A lot of people focus on what they want to see less of. This is counter-productive. Explaining this will take a while. Why is everything so complicated? I wish things were simpler. But they are simple in a sense. I\u2019ve noticed that even friends who seem to get it, don\u2019t seem to get it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

enter the labyrinth \u2013 <\/strong>I think here I just want to write an essay about introspect. Honestly a part of me is kinda grumpy, bummed and annoyed that the book isn\u2019t already more successful than it has been. I\u2019m grateful for the success it\u2019s had so far \u2013 people have DM\u2019d me telling me that it\u2019s changed their life. I guess I don\u2019t talk about it enough? It\u2019s not available on kindle, it\u2019s a bit janky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhy do I want so bad for people to see\/know that I am serious?\u201d<\/strong> Well, I was wronged as a child in ways that were not individual people\u2019s fault but rather systems and societies. The solution to systemic problems require individuals flourishing in groups. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

thinking about text mediums, books and blogs and websites and timelines and apps\u2026 where can you do important and interesting work? the substack is now a form that people are coming to consolidate around, there\u2019s something about that buzz of activity that makes it somewhat compelling. it\u2019s nicer to be in a coffeeshop where other people are also working, than it is to be alone in a room\u2026 those are two different modes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

in other words: <\/strong>use different language to think for yourself, to break out of old, stale patterns of thought that have accumulated baggage, connotations, etc. grammar and vocabulary are both opportunities for joyful fuckery. which is another way of saying, experiment with your words, ya filthy animals. \u201cstressed\u201d \u201ctired\u201d \u2013 words and phrases become invisible when we overuse them. tormented. weary. \/\/ Nobody is using words the way they should be. Could be. Entire adjacent-possible universes shimmer and tremble just beyond our grasp. \/\/ car-crash into perfect unreality  \u2014 a grammar of one\u2019s own <\/strong>\u2013 https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1373167257778409480<\/a> \/\/ 8apr2022: I\u2019m not tired don\u2019t say tired what does tired even mean. I just woke up. I\u2019m booting up. It\u2019s box breathing time baby. I\u2019m bothered by the ulcers in my mouth and some general itchiness. Hair could probably use some thinning. Followup with clients.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

social local maxima: <\/strong>in retrospect one of the red flags of someone I used to look up to (like 10+ years ago) was that he enjoyed seeking out incompetent people to dunk on. this feels like a fragment rather than an essay. but what\u2019s the idea here? it\u2019s about\u2026 don\u2019t dunk on unworthy opponents, that makes you look gross, attracts gross people. always aim higher.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the messes i inhabit<\/strong> \u2013 trying to rehabilitate how i think about it. thinking about doing something like a film. what if I made a film of my mess? what if it were a \u201ctext film\u201d? describing the mess in detail in text? \/ make yourself comfortable <\/strong>\u2013 as with the rest thing, I don\u2019t do this enough! \u201cI don\u2019t do this enough\u201d is not a comfortmaxxing phrase. I invite myself to be more comfortable. reference ribbonfarm tendrils post.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

tiredness\/knottedness\/exhaustion<\/strong> \u2013 about my relationship with rest and sleep. why do I put all this pressure on myself? what if I let it go? Paula Scher said you can\u2019t make anything except in a state of play, so how do I get playful about all this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

does anyone give a shit about you?<\/strong> i’m a naive romantic idealist in the sense that i believe that the beginning of the solution to all sorts of complicated-sounding problems like “meaning crisis” and “ideological deficit” and “god-shaped hole” etc etc is literally just people giving a shit about each other. is there someone in your life who you can call when you’re struggling? who will give you a hug and be present with you when you need it? what is god if not that? what is meaning if not that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i know in my heart that kinship is the answer to a great many problems that trouble people. but i feel apprehensive repeating it rn because i’ve let down a couple of friends with my own incompetence recently, and that makes me feel like a bit of a failure n a fraud<\/p>\n\n\n\n

humility\/confidence\/arrogance:<\/strong> There comes a point in your personal development where people will start telling you that you should stop being publicly honest about your self-assessment, for reasons ranging from \u201cit\u2019ll make people feel bad\u201d to \u201cit\u2019ll come across as bragging\u201d https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1221915534280642560<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

but real humility is not \u201cthinking less of yourself\u201d. it\u2019s about being honest in your self-assessment, and about your limitations, about what you don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t just think highly of myself, I think highly of everyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the spirit of the commute \u2013<\/strong> I want this to be something quite liminal<\/p>\n\n\n\n

what do our ads tell us about us? <\/strong>One of the things my wife finds funny about me is that I\u2019m always insistent about making it on time to movies in cinemas so I can watch the ads. To me the ads are an important part of the experience. \/\/ One of my lifelong background fascinations is to study ads as a proxy for studying the state of media, people\u2019s self-image, sense of being perceived, etc. have a draft of a book called Optics that\u2019s about this. I distinctly remember being startled the first time I saw a gta v ad\u2026 the above ad I think further emphasises how much our experiences have become performances – moments are to be captured, shared, revisited, analysed, compared. None of this is entirely new but it keeps accelerating, our personas increasingly take precedence over our persons<\/p>\n\n\n\n

https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1534825202369957890<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

don\u2019t punish idiots<\/strong> https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1272480849431105536<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

kirthimukha \/ threshold guardians \u2013 gates, jade gate\u2026 walking through cultural walls \/ being a magician? \u2013 <\/strong>leap of faith<\/p>\n\n\n\n

STORYTELLING HEFT: killmonger\/dany\/poisonivy<\/strong> \u2013 https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1131937971806937088<\/a> something here about storytelling, villains\u2026 same post as scheherazade? separate? storytelling heft nevertheless \u2014 ode to yinsen <\/strong>\u2013 media, reflecting on tony stark\u2026 this should maybe be broader, about the fictional characters that inspire me. would also mention starcraft. i\u2019m also thinking of\u2026 robocop, doom\u2026 that might be better for youtube \u2014 andor, arcane, mass effect<\/p>\n\n\n\n

thingification \u2014 media narrative cycles<\/strong> \u2013 valorization then demonisation of marie condo, Facebook, oversimplify, praise, complain\u2026 https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1425490068274225155<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

sg100<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

IDENTITY \u2013 what does it mean to be a citizen?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

living at the crossroads \u2013 <\/strong>sanjay\u2019s super team<\/p>\n\n\n\n

the monuments we consecrate<\/strong>\u2026 in Silk Roads i was reading something about how\u2026 well rulers are the ones to decide what monuments get built, right? and the buddha statues came up as a response to apollo? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

against flanderization<\/strong> \u2013 this is to help artists find their voice, this is also simultaneously \u201cagainst audience capture\u201d, \u201crefuse to be enthralled by the algorithm\u201d, focus on making what people want. let me tell you a bunch of things that I enjoyed. I enjoyed reading about charteresus <\/p>\n\n\n\n

beautiful things<\/strong> \u2013 I think it\u2019s good and important to surround yourself with beautiful things. I don\u2019t mean being a consumer just purchasing whatever people tell you is beautiful and then building a massive collection, but rather identifying things that personally speak to you, move you. this is a process of articulating your own stories<\/p>\n\n\n\n

infinity in the palm of your hand \u2013 <\/strong>this is poetic but it shouldn\u2019t be the title of a post, it\u2019s too abstract.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

make 100 misshapen pots<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

inhabit a nexus of questions <\/strong>\u2013 here I could talk about the person who asked me about being overanalytical, how do you do it without \u201ctaking everything apart\u201d \u2013 interesting choice of phrasing there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

how to talk to people <\/strong>\u2013 the first thing is to see it as a lil game of collaboration, like passing a ball back and forth, or trading licks as musicians. you don\u2019t need to begin by making it this big weighty thing. the challenge is that different people struggle with this to different degrees, and at the extreme end some people have so much anxiety they can\u2019t speak at all. I don\u2019t know if I can help with that, that might need more serious intervention, it\u2019s probably a bunch of other issues in concert. but for people who are just kinda uncertain, kinda nervous, I\u2019d say\u2026 start small. ask people for the time. talk \u201cin passing\u201d, like you\u2019re on the way to somewhere else, so you don\u2019t put them on the spot and make them feel cornered. \u201cI like your shoes\/shirt\/glasses\u201d etc is something you can say to someone as you\u2019re passing for practice\u2019s sake. \/ good reply game between friends can look like bad reply game.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

divinity \u2013 <\/strong>hinduism, my name\u2026 feels like a weak collection of strong elements, this will be dispersed. pantheon of wojaks. maybe i\u2019ll post it as a bunch of skips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Private spaces, public commons \u2013 I should read private lies\u2026 \u2014 The etiquette of the public commons<\/p>\n\n\n\n

American Cringe<\/strong> \u2013 Was still thinking about how some Singaporeans describe me as shameless, when I saw this tweet \u2013 and broadly speaking, I think it partially explains why America is still global #1. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s because ambitious people from all over the world go there to be taken seriously. Americans still celebrate their mavericks, misfits, even their clowns. Framed another way: they are successful because they have no shame \u2013 I am not American <\/strong>\u2014 an outsider\u2019s perspective. America as a nation is a narcissists and they love to hear about themselves lol. But I laugh about this with friends I don\u2019t think I want to write about it in an essay. This is an example of private spaces. LisaWehden: shamelessly love the fact Americans are enthusiastic for any wacky idea<\/p>\n\n\n\n

artful incompleteness<\/strong>: everything is incomplete. i feel embarrassed that I haven\u2019t completed things. for example I have this idea that everything can be reframed as a set of questions. and then I feel embarrassed that I haven\u2019t already done that. But why? Why am I embarrassed about my imperfections?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Universal basic cursed artifact  \/ Wicked witch magic mirror. <\/strong>still can\u2019t quite decide between either of these titles\u2026 maybe UBCA should be the subtitle. everybody has a magic mirror now, a remembrall, a pensieve, nightmare rectangle, watching society decline. so\u2026 how do you manage it? lose sense of proportion, lost in the world of symbols and abstractions, start worrying about things that don\u2019t exist, hallucinations. \u2014\u2731\u2014 camera, images \u2013 <\/strong>optics\u2026 needs a potent phrase, update to ways of seeing\u2026 tie up with smartphones? a camera in everybody\u2019s hand, and a trade network <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Twitter \/ Parliament of hallucinations<\/strong> \u2013 so ok having spent an inordinate amount of time and effort tweeting, and being a huge advocate for it, and having stepped away from it psychologically for a moment to see the bigger picture, I think it\u2019s important for srs\/heavy poasters to know that overtweeting can groove your brain<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Society of self \u2013 IFS, buddy cop movies\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

deviants<\/strong> \u2013 excellence is deviance, don\u2019t wanna talk too much about this right now since I just talked about seriousness \u2013 losers \u2013 <\/strong>on one hand i typically say let\u2019s not focus on things we don\u2019t want to see more of. so maybe I should frame this differently somehow. I do get bored of dealing with losers and I want to help people who are on the path to winning. win and help win. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2020s personal decade review https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1212306988165545984<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

elite and elite-adjacent cycles https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1550470130659864576<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

video game design features thread https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1340180326190989313<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

blogmap mar2021 https:\/\/twitter.com\/visakanv\/status\/1373630582467403777\/<\/a> \u2013 interesting because of groups \u2013 sovereignty, media theory, strategy, socialising, framing, memoirs<\/p>\n\n\n\n

how to approach a public figure<\/strong> \u2013 Several different people have said something to me like, \u201cit must be weird when people DM you like they know you.\u201d It\u2019s not weird at all! I know why you feel like you know me: it\u2019s because I write about myself a lot. I do that largely *to be known*. The weird part is…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hendrix of social media:<\/strong> My internet history \/ My vision – broadcast vs fractal \/ Slow not fast \/ Creator first \/ Incentives \/ The algorithm  \/ I don\u2019t want money – tragedy of exploited creators \/ Not all audience members created equal <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

one of the things about the world that makes me sick is that nobody needs support more than people who are struggling, and nobody receives more support than people who are already on the path \/ have already succeeded<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

if you can\u2019t fix it, feature it<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

what do you do when you\u2019re bored of yourself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

western binarism: <\/strong>Profit vs non profit \/ Selfish vs altruistic \/ conformity vs individuation. If I said \u201cagainst binaries\u201d that would be me perpetuating the same problem while attempting to solve it. mario castle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I used to write in starbucks: <\/strong>When I was 20 years old I used to lug my secondhand laptop to the starbucks at Jalan Jamal in Siglap, Singapore. At the time you could still smoke cigarettes in the outdoor sections, they had ash trays and everything. When I look back now i think about how much everything can change. As I write this, I\u2019m sipping on a Starbucks drink that my wife bought for me, and I\u2019m also marvelling at how much things like tastes and smells \u2013 the madeliene<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the center and the margin: <\/strong>About being marginalized, what does that mean? There are halls of power and you\u2019re not in them. \/ How do you ask for representation? Well now that we have social media you don\u2019t really have to ask, you can make a YouTube channel. But nobody wants to listen? Well, you have to find the people who do want to listen, even if they\u2019re few and far between https:\/\/hac.bard.edu\/amor-mundi\/the-power-of-the-powerless-vaclav-havel-2011-12-23<\/a> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

psychological extreme sport.<\/strong> I have always wanted this path for myself, so I continue to appreciate and enjoy the journey. tho I do want to say the further along I go the more I worry for people who become celebrities without preparation, because it\u2019s a psychological extreme sport  \/\/ just as how it\u2019s tragic that some people who love animals become vets and then are startled to realize they\u2019re now surrounded by animal suffering, people pleasers who seek celebrity in the hope of being liked may be startled by the volume of hatred, abuse, etc sent their way<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Complaining is unmasculine<\/strong>. bitching about women is a female-coded activity. what is griefing exactly? Advanced stupid. don\u2019t be a loser. be a winner. if you sit and think about it you should be able to figure it out. but if you can\u2019t, you need someone else to babybird you\u2026 should I indulge you? I don\u2019t think that\u2019s what I want to be doing. I mainly want to help people who are already on the path. I don\u2019t need needy losers. So I shouldn\u2019t even publish this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

hypersexual: <\/strong>recently been haunted by the re-realization that I\u2019ve spent a lot of my life worrying about being perceived as some kind of violent, aggressive, hypersexual, dangerous monster. I definitely feel this less in the US than in Singapore <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

the audience you want \/ the public that doesn\u2019t exist yet. <\/strong>When I was a kid at some point I was obsessed with the idea of becoming a hero . Legion Of heroes .<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who am I writing for? Singaporeans? Americans? Indians? Beginners? Advanced? For the next guy like me that I haven\u2019t met yet. He might be from some city that we\u2019ve never heard of. She read a lot as a kid, I don\u2019t know how to \u201cadjust\u201d for that if somebody didn\u2019t do it. Interested in a bit of everything maybe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been spoiled by my twitter. I\u2019ve found some lovely friends on it. But the best thing I can do for my friends is to walk away from that and to focus on what I want to see in the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2731 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Perfectionism. <\/strong>Part of me is perfectionistic and wants to wait until the substack essay is \u201cexcellent\u201d. What does excellent mean, I want to inquire. It\u2019s true that if you\u2019re not clear about what excellent means then you\u2019re probably not going to get there. I\u2019ll know it when I see it? Well, what are you seeing? How are you experimenting? What\u2019s the rush about? Oh, well, we\u2019re all going to die. So? Lol. So what. Why do you make yourself itchy and grumpy when you haven\u2019t written? Feels like wasted time. Yes, but worrying here entrenches the stuckedness. So can you let go of the worry? Meditation for engineers.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

drafts from time to time people ask me something like “what have you changed your mind the most on” and it’s like… i never held on strongly to things that i wasn’t sure about, so it didn’t really have to change all that much, the picture just got clearer \u2731 … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[727],"tags":[737],"class_list":["post-13690","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drafts","tag-ios-notes"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-3yO","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13690","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13690"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13690\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13699,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13690\/revisions\/13699"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13690"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13690"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13690"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}