{"id":13646,"date":"2021-07-21T17:11:00","date_gmt":"2021-07-21T17:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/?p=13646"},"modified":"2023-05-07T17:13:26","modified_gmt":"2023-05-07T17:13:26","slug":"coleridge-moment","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2021\/07\/21\/coleridge-moment\/","title":{"rendered":"coleridge moment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

(og thread<\/a>) Just had a Coleridge moment. i took a nap, and in that nap i was on vacation, and on that vacation i was perfectly relaxed, and then i woke up and realized that i have been chronically tense and stressed ever since covid started<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My wife always loved travelling. she travelled on her own when she was broke and living on her own. she saved and scrimped for months and travelled to europe by herself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i on the other hand grew up paranoid and anxious about travel, partially bc of my family, partially bc racism,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

when we got married at 22, we were both completely broke. we barely any spent money on the wedding; she wore a white prom dress and our rings cost maybe $20. we couldn\u2019t afford wifi or a refrigerator or a bed, we saved up to buy each of those things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

over the next 5 years i would make quite a decent bit of money working in marketing for a software company. we bought air conditioning. we bought laptops. we bought a tv. we never actually renovated the house so the kitchen and electrical setup etc still give us grief<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh and now i\u2019m remembering that she spent the last of her savings to buy me a laptop that i could use at work. i will die for this woman.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

anyway. i should\u2019ve taken time off from work to take us on a vacation. but i never did. i was anxious and paranoid about keeping up with my colleagues, who were extremely talented, high-functioning individuals from pedigreed universities, while i was some lowly internet forum rat<\/p>\n\n\n\n

i know now that if i had mentioned any of this to my colleagues, they would have said, dude, just take a vacation lmao. you should check out X and Y and Z. but I was too ashamed at the time to verbalise any of this to anyone, including probably myself<\/p>\n\n\n\n

over those few years, i worked through a lot of my personal issues. i used to be a picky eater<\/a>, i fixed that and taught myself to cook. I became better at communicating my needs and feelings. i taught myself time management, project management, got good at getting things done<\/p>\n\n\n\n

finally, after working thru most of the last of my anxieties around money and travel and so on, i left my job, lined up some consulting work, built my audience, sold my first ebook, and booked us tickets to NYC, a honeymoon for my beloved and then, y\u2019know. a global pandemic hit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

lots of people have it worse. people have lost loved ones, lost their jobs, are in precarious positions, some people are lonely & struggling to date. i\u2019m one of the lucky ones. i don\u2019t have to worry about my bills. i sell ebooks in my sleep. and i\u2019m married to the love of my life<\/p>\n\n\n\n

still, i can\u2019t help feeling like i\u2019ve failed her, this angel who has done so much for me. i know that ultimately the pandemic is surely temporary, and that we\u2019ll probably be able to laugh about this 10 yrs from now. i do see the humor in it. still, i wish i could do something.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(og thread) Just had a Coleridge moment. i took a nap, and in that nap i was on vacation, and on that vacation i was perfectly relaxed, and then i woke up and realized that i have been chronically tense and stressed ever since covid started My wife always loved… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[733],"class_list":["post-13646","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-twitter-thread"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-3y6","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13646","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13646"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13646\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13647,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13646\/revisions\/13647"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13646"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13646"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13646"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}