{"id":12238,"date":"2018-03-17T18:30:31","date_gmt":"2018-03-17T10:30:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/blog\/?p=12238"},"modified":"2018-03-17T18:30:31","modified_gmt":"2018-03-17T10:30:31","slug":"supernanny","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/2018\/03\/17\/supernanny\/","title":{"rendered":"there are no trusted adults, you have to supernanny yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"

The following is a cleaned up transcript of a conversation I had with an older friend in 2015<\/em><\/p>\n

Visabot: I hate that I keep getting myself into situations where other people have to baby\/nanny me.<\/p>\n

What’s the next step to fixing it?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Daily\/weekly reviews.<\/p>\n

What’s stopping you from doing them?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ugh fields.\u00a0i think… i need to tie the doing-of-reviews to the elimination of some negative belief. so rather than make it a boring painful obligation and a reminder that i’m a problem that needs managing and supervision (which is how i usually approach it).\u00a0it should be a proactive thing that i’m doing because i no longer want to be a person that other people have to worry about.\u00a0“you do daily reviews to become the kind of person people can count on, not worry about.”<\/p>\n

think it’s fair to say that visabot systematically deals out shit to trigger some sort of retaliation from external reality, which is then used to justify said dealing-out-of-shit. lack of retaliation = visabot is confused and does not compute<\/p>\n

i recognize a lot of BS elements in a lot of the things I said I cared about
\na lot of things were distractions from having to deal with my own issues
\nso I guess I care about resolving my own issues
\nbut I don’t want to be overly verbal or performative about that either because then it’s another silly performance
\ni think even until now i have never truly learned to be internally validated and to pursue internal validation<\/p>\n

think adulthood is about effectively parenting\/managing yourself, taking responsibility, etc
\nVisakan Veerasamy and i think inside my head, the ‘child’ is still maybe 80% in charge
\nVisakan Veerasamy not that the child is to be outright suppressed, i think that’s a recipe for disaster too, but it has to be an equal relationship right (or slightly unequal but fair\/respectful)
\nVisakan Veerasamy so i’m like this tired frustrated parent inside my head<\/p>\n

reminds me of an episode of Supernanny i once watched at my parent’s place
\nbasically gotta wait calmly until the kid tires himself out
\nthe problem is that the parent doesn’t know how to wait, and flits between things like “why me”, “aiyah… give in this time lah”, “so poor thing”, etc<\/p>\n

write well, change the world with good writing<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The following is a cleaned up transcript of a conversation I had with an older friend in 2015 Visabot: I hate that I keep getting myself into situations where other people have to baby\/nanny me. What’s the next step to fixing it? Daily\/weekly reviews. What’s stopping you from doing them?… <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[576],"tags":[648],"class_list":["post-12238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-repair","tag-psychoanalysis"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p5gxNz-3bo","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12238","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12238"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12238\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.visakanv.com\/archives\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}